The Christmas Concert

December 19

Here’s the plan: We do everything, all the traditions, and we do it grander than anyone ever dreamed! Here are the houselights, which will require extra generators so we don’t smash the power grid, the holiday music CDs that will need waterproof outdoor concert speakers, the train set with extra boxes of tracks to connect all the rooms of the house, the toys where we forget the batteries, several gingerbread house kits we’ll combine to form a mansion, DVDs of all the classic Christmas specials to run nonstop, mistletoe for all the doorways, the manger scene with a little Jesus that glows in the dark to emphasize the Holy Spirit third of the Trinity because he’s the shy one who gets the least press, and all the presents we’ll wrap together and give each other as Secret Santa. ~ Tim Dorsey

I am sure my music has a taste of codfish in it. ~ Edvard Grieg

[The morning of the concert . . . ]

[Still the morning of the concert . . . ]

Again, and always, the best show in town every year. The combined high school orchestra and choirs Christmas concert. Kudos to Brad Lambrecht’s orchestra and Steve Deitz’s choirs in his final Christmas concert!

[The Super and I making our entrance at the Alexandria Area High School’s Performing Arts Center . . . ]

It was snowing. It was always snowing at Christmas. December, in my memory, is white as Lapland, though there were no reindeer. But there were cats. ~ Dylan Thomas

[The Super made sure nobody beat us to our seats!]

Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks. ~ Anonymous

There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don’t know when to come down. ~ Mo Rocca

[The Super from the second deck . . . ]

[Maestro Brad Lambrecht addresses his charges . . . ]

[Household hint: Each photo coincides with the songs listed in the program. If you want to check that, however, please do not stick you arm out the window unless you are signaling a turn . . . ]

How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few, His precepts! ~ Benjamin Franklin

I know exactly what Einstein meant when he said, “Dancers are the athletes of God.” You three look like angels. I can’t wait to see you dancing in the Christmas concert. ~ Kirsty Murray

[Choir maestro Steve Deitz addresses his charges. After an extensive search of YouTube upon returning home, I could find no versions of “African Noel” as terrific as the one presented here (a Deitz arrangement?) . . . ]

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it. ~ Demetri Martin

Santa knows physics: of all colors, red light penetrates fog best. That’s why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig. ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

I know that the most joy in my life has come to me from my violin. ~ Albert Einstein

Such sweet compulsion doth in music lie. ~ John Milton

Without music, life would be a mistake. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

My voice is small but disagreeable. ~ George Gershwin

Where words fail, music speaks. ~ Hans Christian Andersen

Ladies and gentlemen, the internationally renowned Alexandria Area High School carolers! ~ Me

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory. ~ Oscar Wilde

Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without. ~ Confucius

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. ~ Aldous Huxley

[Any concert in the greater Alexandria Metropolitan Statistical Area is not valid unless Randy Morken is on the keyboard . . . ]

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~ Victor Hugo

Music is the universal language of mankind. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. ~ Albert Einstein

There is no truer truth obtainable by man than that which comes of music. ~ Robert Browning

A tenor is not a man, but a disease. ~ Hans von Bülow (with apologies to the local Tenor)

What’s great about an office Christmas party is that it uncovers and reveals parts of your personality that you didn’t see coming. ~ Will Speck

I write as a sow piddles. ~ Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Music is the shorthand of emotion. ~ Leo Tolstoy

To me, there is nothing like the excitement and unique experience of a live orchestra playing. ~ Carmine Coppola

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. ~ Fred Allen

The flute is not an instrument that has a good moral effect. ~ Aristotle

Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them. ~ Richard Strauss

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. ~ Mae West

Rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul. ~ Plato

I walked inside Macy’s and faced the pathetic spectacle of a department store full of shoppers, none of whom were shopping for themselves. Without the instant gratification of a self-aimed purchase, everyone walked around in the tactical stupor of the financially obligated. ~ Rachel Cohn

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. ~ Maya Angelou

Don’t give me books for Christmas; I already have a book. ~ Jean Harlow

[I judged this young man to be quite good . . . ]

Thanks be to all! ~ Me

Bad news, bad news, I heard you’re packin’ to leave . . . ~ Paul Simon

What fun! Does it come with a beverage? ~ Me

[A standing ovation from the assembled masses. And proof positive that people do indeed live in Minnesota year round . . . ]

So then, how was the concert? ~ Laddie and Guinie

I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing. ~ Tina Fey

I’d rather do community service than sit and write a load of Christmas cards. ~ Paul O’Grady

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