Happy Holidays *

(* including Christmas)

December 13

Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of ‘s.’ I suppose you could say ‘Merry Christmas’ and ‘Happy New Year,’ but you probably have sh*t to do. ~ Jon Stewart

I celebrate everyone’s religious holidays. if it’s good enough for the righteous, it’s good enough for the self-righteous, I always say. ~ Bette Midler

On most holidays, you’ll find me in Mexico. Actually, on most holidays you won’t find me. I’m at a beach, and it’s wonderful. ~ Kyrsten Sinema

To all those gathered in celebration today, Merry Christmas. ~ Barack Obama

There is a theme to our Christmas “card” this year. See if you can guess what it is?

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays. ~ Henny Youngman

So, this is indeed the ‘New Norm.’ The only way we world travelers left home this year was by ZOOM. Our longest physical movement away from hearth and home was to St. Cloud – one-hour to the southeast. That’s where we got the first two of three COVID vaccinations. We got the booster and flu shot locally. We still had Senior College, but by ZOOM. We had book club outside (for the most part). Our annual week in Camp Brosius, Wisconsin, was cancelled again, but we were able to enjoy the 100th Resorters Golf Tournament at home. We got new kitchen and bathroom floors, a hot water heater, and two new toilets. We went to school board meetings (to show the flag). A school board election was the biggest election of the year. Our only out-of-town visitors for the year were Jami and Danny twice, Cam & Rog, and Cam with Uncle Tom, Aunt Mary Kay (from Arizona) and Cousin Beth. That was it.

[And we continue with family, Danny and Jami . . . ]

[Gretchen, Ruthie’s sister-in-law . . . ]

[Mohamed, our brother-in-law . . . ]

[Chris, Tom’s brother . . . ]

[Cam, Tom’s other brother . . . ]

[Karen, our sister-in-law, on the right . . . ]

I’m Muslim the way many of my Jewish friends are Jewish: I avoid pork, and I take the big holidays off. ~ Aasif Mandvi

White folks were so strange. ~ Maya Angelou (“I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”)

[Two reasons for not having one this year: Guinie and Laddie . . . ]

[Jessi, our niece . . . ]

[A school teacher in Virginia (the state) in her GMU hoodie . . . ]

[Kadie, our niece . . . ]

[A school teacher in Virginia (the state), front row center . . . ]

[Sophie, our niece, gives COVID vaccinations in Atlanta . . . ]

Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise they won’t come to yours. ~ Yogi Berra

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. ~ Douglas Adams

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it. ~ W.C. Fields

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. ~ Douglas Adams

Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do. ~ Donald Trump

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you. ~ Robin Williams

[Barb, our cousin, with her mom, Shirley . . . ]

[Herb, our cousin . . . ]

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. ~  E. B. White

A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ~ George Carlin

The great joy of doing ‘The Daily Show’ for me is that I get to sit on the fence between cultures. I am commenting on the absurdity of both sides as an outsider and insider. Sometimes I’m playing the brown guy, and sometimes I’m not, but the best stuff I do always goes back to being a brown kid in a white world. ~ Aasif Mandvi

[We still had Community Education movies, but with proper protocols . . . ]

[And the post-movie discussions (OK, this one was pre-pandemic).]

26 COPs, they have had decades of blah, blah, blah – and where has that got us? ~ Greta

[The class reunion boys still had our lunches . . . ]

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? ~ George Carlin

Accept who you are unless you’re a serial killer. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

[The boys (and girls) were there for Merill’s 99th birthday last November . . . ]

One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books. ~ Professor Dumbledore

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. ~ W.C. Fields

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? ~ Steven Wright

[And for his 100th birthday this November . . . ]

Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us. ~ Stephen Colbert

Our kids are not Jewish, and they’re not Catholic. They’re not Episcopalian. They’re not Buddhist. They’re not anything. We do all the holidays to keep the traditions and the culture going, but I truly don’t have a great feeling about any particular organized religion, and I don’t think it’s right to impose one on my kids. ~ Rhea Perlman

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. ~ James Thurber

[Though we never traveled far from home the entire year, Senator Sanders was ubiquitous.]

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. ~ Andy Borowitz

Marry an orphan: you’ll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws. ~ George Carlin

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

Do you remember they were trying to take ‘Christmas’ out of Christmas? Do you remember? They didn’t want to let you say ‘Merry Christmas. ~ Donald Trump

[Well, actually we’re still living Groundhog Day . . . ]

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. ~ Paul R. Ehrlich

[We were still able to enjoy music in the great outdoors . . . ]

‘The Christmas Song,’ by Nat King Cole, is not only a masterful performance; to me it just sounds like the holidays. I’ve never sung it, because Nat’s version is so perfect. I gotta leave it alone. ~ Harry Connick, Jr

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help. ~ Andy Borowitz

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? ~ Bette Midler

For many years I enjoyed the pleasure of cruising on my yacht all summer long and these were my best holidays. In mid-May, we’d start in St Tropez. I’d collect my bikinis from my home there and then we’d go up to Cannes for the Film Festival, on to Monte Carlo for the Grand Prix and then to Italy. ~ Ivana Trump

I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out. ~ John Fugelsang

As Elsa (above) learned: A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. ~ Rudyard Kipling

[We dined outside whenever possible . . . ]

We are delivering millions of doses of a safe and effective vaccine that will soon end this terrible pandemic and save millions and millions of lives. ~ Donald Trump

[New friende were made . . . ]

[OK, I admit it. It was a concern . . . ]

[All max vaccinated and masked coming and going from the table . . . ]

I think we have enough separation . . .

Never eat more than you can lift. ~ Miss Piggy

Lisa, just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand. ~ Homer Simpson

I figure if people don’t want to make the distinction between a Muslim and a terrorist, then why should I make a distinction between good scared white people and racists? ~ Aasif Mandvi

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. ~ Ogden Nash

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December. ~ Louis C.K.

[We offer our profound thanks to Gerry, Sandra, Brian, and Jack who entertained us through the year of the lock down. Watching 12 seasons, 120 episodes, of “New Tricks”, twice!]

[Brother Cam’s feet. I have no further explanation other than he’s a Gamecock . . . ]

I wouldn’t say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity. ~ Bette Midler

[The Super thought the babies would enjoy this ornament hung in their new high rise condo. They found her “disarming” . . . ]

[And through it all, the Fat Boys kept walking . . . ]

Merry Christmas, nearly everybody! ~ Ogden Nash

Christmas: it’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state. ~ Samantha Bee

Up Next: The actual holiday?