It’s Me Again (Part 1)

January 9

There’s a lot more to life than how fat or thin you are. ~ Kirstie Alley

I’ve been lost in the wilderness since the middle of the last month (though some would say it’s been much longer than that). I awoke one morning and logged onto this blog only to discover that WordPress said it had been deleted! This began a multi-week exchange of emails (over a hundred) with WordPress trying to figure out what happened and how to fix it. I finally lost all patience with trying to deal with the “techies” and asked Ruthie is she could take over. After several more days of email exchanges it appears to be back. Ruthie had to have the patience of Job to accomplish this feat (and you thought I didn’t know my Biblical figures). Job later became the inspiration for the great rock and roll hit song, Get a Job by the Silhouettes (the best lyrics ever). So, now I have some catching up to do. ~ Me

But in Indiana it’s not like New York where everyone’s like, ‘We’re from New York and we’re the best’ or ‘We’re from Texas and we like things big’ it’s more like ‘We’re from Indiana and we’re gonna move.” ~ Jim Gaffigan (Did the Super hit me yet?)

November 30

I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what’s really addictive? Heroin. ~ Jim Gaffigan

[Ruthie’s holiday decor – sweet and simple . . . ]

Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. ~ Jim Gaffigan

[The usual suspects gather for Wednesday night fine dining at Lure Lakebar . . . ]

I come from a very big family . . . nine parents. ~ Jim Gaffigan

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn’t that the best? ~ Jim Gaffigan

[Must wear their locator ankle bracelets whenever they leave the house . . . ]

I’m not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish ’cause that’s disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! ‘Hey this smells like a dumpster, lets eat it!’ ~ Jim Gaffigan

It is a little embarassing when someone catches you watching the Food Network…”What are you watching?” “Uh, the Food Network…” “Well, why are you pants off?” “I like food…a lot. ~ Jim Gaffigan

December 2

There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet and put the darn ball in the basket. ~ Abe Lemmons

[As the high school basketball season begins, a momentary look back at Ella Grove from the 2020 state tournament as she blazed the trail for brother Grayson to become the next Cardinal star. The next day COVID shut down everything . . . ]

I’m blind, bald, and pale. I’m like a gigantic recessive gene. ~ Jim Gaffigan

[This was a prelude for the whole month when so many games were weather postponed . . . ]

[The first game of the year in a snow storm . . . ]

LeBron James still gets criticism. Jesus still gets criticized. ~ D’Angelo Russell

[The Cardinals were hosting Benilde-St. Margaret’s (BSM), a great opening game between two teams ranked in the top 10 in the class AAA state rankings. Here’s some action from the JV game . . . ]

He makes plays you can’t coach, and he makes plays that look like he’s never been coached. ~ Bill Self

[Still the JV’s . . . ]

All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine. ~ Charles Barkley

[Like the front row at LA Laker games, the local celebrities . . . ]

You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I’m the best-looking guy in the world, and I might be right. ~ Charles Barkley

[The JV has not lost a game since the 2018-19 season . . . ]

I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I’ve got a technique. It’s called just go get the damn ball. ~ Charles Barkley

[The varsity came out for warmups. Chase Thompson (3) is a 6’7″ sophomore who is also the quarterback for the football team; Bralyn Steffensmeier (11) is a junior who has taken over the point guard position from his brother Carter who graduated last year . . . ]

Yeah, Ernie, it’s called defense, I mean, I wouldn’t know anything about it personally, but I’ve heard about it through the grapevine. ~ Charles Barkley

[Our senior captains are Trevin Hoepner (0) and Jaxon Schoenrock (4) with 6’9″ junior center Grayson Grove (2). The aforementioned Ella Grove was at the game on support of her little brother . . . ]

Don’t call me son, unless you’re going to include me in your will. (When Adolph Rupp called him, “Son.”) ~ Al McGuire

A team should be an extension of a coach’s personality. My teams are arrogant and obnoxious. ~ Al McGuire

[It’s likely that Grayson will be favored to win all center jumps this year . . . ]

Our guys took Shop and Advanced Shop. Shop is when you make a chair. Advanced Shop is when you paint it. ~ Al McGuire

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cab driver. Then they would really be educated. ~ Al McGuire

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team. ~ George Raveling

[Schoenrock inbounds the ball as Thompson cuts to the basket . . . ]

 I hate it. It looks like a stickup at 7-Eleven. Five guys standing there with their hands in the air. ~ Norm Sloan, commenting on zone defense.

[Grayson is an excellent free throw shooter . . . ]

They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn’t always stay hot. I know because I eat bagels in the morning. ~ Shaquille O’Neal

[As is Jaxon . . . ]

This year, we plan to run and shoot. Next season we hope to run and score. ~ Billy Tubbs

[Dawson Roderick (35) is a junior with an all around game as the usual 6th man . . . ]

Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer. ~ Shaquille O’Neal

[Chase is another good shooter . . . ]

You can say something to popes, presidents and kings, but you can’t talk to officials. In the next war, they ought to give everyone a whistle. ~ Abe Lemmons

[Chase with a lefthanded tip . . . ]

If you meet the Buddha in the lane, feed him the ball. ~ Phil Jackson

[And then attempting a block in the lane . . . ]

In my prime, I could’ve handled Michael Jordan. Of course, he would have only been 12 years old. ~ Jerry Sloan

[Grayson at the line in the 2d half . . . ]

This is basketball, not figure skating. You don’t get extra points for the degree of difficulty. ~ Bobby Hurley

[This was a well played game by two very good teams. The score never deviated by more than a couple baskets either way. Now, a month later, BSM is undefeated and the Cardinals haven’t lost since this game . . . ]

December 3

Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John. ~ Jim Gaffigan

[Maybe even better than the Post Office, doughnuts must be delivered every Saturday morning regardless of the weather . . . ]

I was a multi-millionaire from playing hockey. Then I got divorced, and now I am a millionaire. ~ Bobby Hull

Every day is a great day for hockey. ~ Mario Lemieux

[The boys hockey team hosted Orono the day after the basketball game . . . ]

Hockey captures the essence of Canadian experience in the New World. In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive. ~ Stephen Leacock

I tried to talk my daughter out of going with a hockey player but, he’s a good kid. He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her. I said: You want to what? I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time. ~ Phil Esposito

High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing……everything else is just figure skating. ~ Scotty Bowman

[Both teams scored in the first minute of the game . . . ]

I hate when people litter. ~ Joe Thornton

[It got worse after the that. Basketball star Grayson Grove and classmates were in attendance . . . ]

Welcome, newcomers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people and now you’re gonna hear about it. ~ Frank Costanza

[And then it was on to a holiday concert at the high school that evening . . . ]

At the Festivus dinner you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year. ~ Frank Costanza

When George was growing up his father hated all the commercial religious aspects of Christmas, so he made up his own holiday. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

“And is there a tree?” (Kramer). “No. Instead there’s a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.” ~ Frank Costanza

George, Festivus is your heritage. It’s part of who you are. ~ Frank Costanza

And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength. ~ Frank Contanza

[These guys were really good and very entertaining . . . ]

They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway (on Broadway). ~ The Drifters

[On the way home from the concert, downtown Alexandria . . . ]

Last season he was a Pixie dust spreader on the Tilt-A-Whirl. ~ Cousin Eddy

There’s always somebody older, richer, more desperate than you. ~ Kirstie Alley

Get a Job ~ The Silhouettes:

Yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip, bmm
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na
Ahh, yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip
Mum-mum-mum-mum-mum-mum, get a job
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na

Up Next: More of the stuff that happened over the last month . . .