November 22

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? ~ George Carlin

Another trip to St. Cloud Hospital this morning to see all my new close personal friends.  Turns out all their old scalpels were dull and rusty so they’ve received a new batch and want to try them out on me a couple times.  Seems my right carotid artery is blocked to such an extent that I may have a reason for not remembering anybody’s name.  So that surgery will take place as soon as they let me know.  It will take a couple of hours, a stay in the hospital, and then a few more weeks before they can do the heart triple bypass.  In other words, I will be the first patient in modern (or even classical) medical history to have two major operations for absolutely no symptoms.  Let this be a lesson to you – if you’re feeling OK, go to the emergency room as soon as you can!

My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays. ~ Joey Bishop

On the way home we stopped at Charlie’s Cafe in Freeport (I’m the only person from Alexandria who’d never eaten there before).  As luck would have it the luncheon special was the beef commercial – another really good chance to clog up some more arteries!  

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. ~ Joey Adams

[At the Cardiac Center in the St. Cloud Hospital . . . ]

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. ~ Henny Youngman

[And yes, the sculptor is Jane Seymour, the actor . . . ]

It’s kinda scary when a doctor asks your price range. ~ Tom Wilson

A doctor can bury his mistakes. but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. ~ Steve Martin

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. ~ Groucho Marx

[Oh boy, we split the special and it was still plenty!]

I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone. ~ Dave Barry

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso. ~ Rita Rudner

[Put on a happy face . . . ]

Y O U R F L Y I S O P E N  would be a fun chart for an eye doctor. ~ Greg Tamblyn 

[Arriving back home to discover the city’s Christmas decorations had been “erected” the previous day . . . ]

After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said: “No hablo inglés.” ~ Ronnie Shakes

General anesthesia is so weird. You go to sleep in one room, then wake up four hours later in a totally different room. Just like in college. ~ Ross Shafer

[Unperturbed by the morning’s events, there was a girls hockey game that night! The girls JV had another big win vs. the Brainerd-Little Falls Warriors . . . ]

The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter – he’s got to just know. ~ Will Rogers

[The first game for the pep band . . . ]

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. ~ Groucho Marx

[This is the hockey equivalent of playing catch . . . ]

According to hospital insurance codes, there are 9 different ways you can be injured by turtles. ~ Wall Street Journal

[Sophomore Tayler Treat (8) displays her wrist shot . . . ]

According to hospital insurance codes, there are 3 different ways you can be injured by a lamppost. ~ Wall Street Journal

[This is sophomore Julia Doherty (7) . . . ]

Is there a medical rule that requires doctors’-office personnel to treat you as though you have the IQ of a Cheeto? ~ Dave Barry

[Cardinal captains junior Kylie Lattimer (11) and Lauren Maras (9) meet the refs and the Warriors . . . ]

Minor surgery is an operation performed on somebody else. ~ Anonymous

[Freshman speedster Lillian Dutton (26) at this end of the line . . . ]

Why do they call it proctology? Is it because analogy was already taken? ~ Aristotles ‏@AristotlesNZ

[Pre-game player introductions beginning with sophomore goalie Rachael Mohr (30) . . . ]

If I had taken my doctor’s advice and quit smoking [cigars] when he advised me to, I wouldn’t have lived to go to his funeral. ~ George Burns

[Joined by sophomore defense Emma Ramstorf (10) . . . ]

After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, ‘Maybe life isn’t for everyone’. ~ Larry Brown

[Then senior defense Aubrey Porter (23) and sophomore Morgan Aure (17) . . . ]

She got her looks from her father: He’s a plastic surgeon. ~ Groucho Marx.

[Then sophomore Alena Maras (2) joins in . . . ]

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold. ~ Jerry Vale

[And finally senior Lauren Maras (9) . . . ]

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

The doctor of the future will give no medicine but will instruct his patient in the care of the human frame, in diet, and the cause and prevention of disease. ~ Thomas Edison

[And we’re off and skating . . . ]

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

[This figured to be another close low scoring game. It was . . . ]

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’ ~ Steven Wright

[Lauren on the faceoff to start period 2 . . . ]

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: It’s a girl. ~ Shirley Chisholm

[And now Lillian on the draw . . . ]

[Julia Doherty (7) battles along the boards . . . ]

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. ~ Milton Berle

[Julia ulimately scored unassisted for the first goal of the game . . . ]

Your face tells a story and it shouldn’t be a story about your drive to the doctor’s office. ~ Julia Roberts

My doctor told me I would never walk again. My mother told me I would. I believed my mother. ~ Wilma Rudloph

[Lauren once again appearing all over the ice . . . ]

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. ~ George Carlin

[Starting to look like some previous games with the Cards winning the shots-on-goal game but losing the shots-in-goal game . . . ]

When a man goes through six years training to be a doctor he will never be the same. He knows too much. ~ Enid Bagnold

[Emma Ramstorf (10) scored to pull the Cardinals within one . . . ]

My eldest sister Beth is a doctor who studied at Harvard and Columbia and played basketball for Harvard. She set the athletic and academic standard for the rest of us to follow. ~ Amy Wambach

[Then junior Sophia Korynta (22) scored to tie the game . . . ]

Whenever a doctor cannot do good, he must be kept from doing harm. ~ Hippocrates

I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral. ~ Keith Richards

Time is generally the best doctor. ~ Ovid

[Tie game at the end of regulation. I’ll note the Cards lost sophomore Kennedy Ellingson in the previous game to a broken collar bone, but two players from the swim team are now playing, and the team is hoping for the return of senior Ella Westlund in the near future . . . ]

I wasn’t into sports when I was younger. I was one of those kids who always tried to get a note from the doctor to say I had a cold so I didn’t have to go play hockey in bad weather and be miserable. ~ Eliza Doolittle

[The beginning of the 8-minute overtime period . . . ]

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. ~ Jonathan Swift

[These two teams will always be battling for supremacy in this section . . . ]

November 23

Twas the night before Thanksgiving, a Wednesday to be sure; to keep fine dining going, four attended The Lure; we shared firecracker cauliflower, but had our own drinks; we had a good time, as surely me thinks . . .

When we are sick, we want an uncommon doctor; when we have a construction job to do, we want an uncommon engineer, and when we are at war, we want an uncommon general. It is only when we get into politics that we are satisfied with the common man. ~ Herbert Hoover

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. ~ Thomas Fuller

Up Next: Well, basketball starts next week . . .

November 19

Dogs smoke in France. ~ Ozzy Osbourne

Money doesn’t talk, it swears. ~ Bob Dylan

Saturday we got an email from friends that Elsa Lee would be at the winery that afternoon. That was nice to hear – we did not have a scheduling conflict so were delighted to appear for one of our favorite performers . . .

Remember: Always walk in the light. And if you feel like you’re not walking in it, go find it. Love the light. ~ Roberta Flack

[I had concerns about backlit photographs . . . ]

Music makes one feel so romantic – at least it always gets on one’s nerves – which is the same thing nowadays. ~ Oscar Wilde

[But those backlighting windows really added an artsy touch . . . ]

My music is my expression of what I feel in a moment. ~ Roberta Flack

[We have made light of John’s (on the left) continuing request for Elsa to learn some Roberta Flack songs. Some day, perhaps. Elsa already has a fabulous repertoire of songs from our era . . .]

Walking in the dark, seeing lovers do their thing. That’s the time, I feel like making love to you. ~ Roberta Flack

Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song. ~ Roberta Flack

I couldn’t believe Clint Eastwood was calling me (re: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face). I almost passed out! ~ Roberta Flack

It was unexpected and breathtaking. The transition from my life in Washington as a teacher into this kind of attention was surreal. ~ Roberta Flack

I didn’t try to be a soul singer, a jazz singer, a blues singer – no category. ~ Roberta Flack

I hope that one day we will be seen for the people we are, not for our race, gender, age or nationality. ~ Roberta Flack

I sang it about soldiers, then, later, about gay men. It touches me deeply every time. I used to perform this song at Mr Henry’s and people would be totally silent. I knew it moved them. ~ Roberta Flack

The first time ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes. ~ Roberta Flack

Aging can be fun if you lay back and enjoy it. ~ Clint Eastwood

[All 75+ and still kickin’ it!!]

I didn’t want to let women down. One of the stereotypes I see breaking is the idea of aging and older women not being beautiful. ~ Annie Leibovitz

[Are released on their own recognizance for a couple hours every other Sunday. During such time, they must not attempt casting fraudulent votes, attend any religious services contrary to their beliefs, and never drink white wine with fontina cheese . . . ]

November 20

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre. ~ Gail Godwin

A high school production that came under assault by the local morality police. Fortunately each of the four performances drew wonderful crowds. I’d like to express my appreciation to the local denizens for doing such. And as usual the kids did not disappoint – they were terrific! ~ Me

There’s no real theatre without taking risks. ~ Haris Pasovic

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it. ~

Alfred Hitchcock

Theatre is immediate gratification. ~ Chita Rivera

You need three things in the theatre – the play, the actors and the audience, and each must give something. ~ Kenneth Haigh

The theatre, when all is said and done, is not life in miniature, but life enormously magnified, life hideously exaggerated. ~ H. L. Mencken

All the best performers bring to their role something more, something different than what the author put on paper. That’s what makes theatre live. That’s why it persists. ~ Stephen Sondheim

The word theatre comes from the Greeks. It means the seeing place. It is the place people come to see the truth about life and the social situation. ~ Stella Adler

Make them laugh, make them cry, and hack to laughter. What do people go to the theatre for? An emotional exercise. I am a servant of the people. I have never forgotten that. ~ Mary Pickford

Primarily, I am a prose writer with axes to grind, and the theatre is a good place to do the grinding in. I prefer comedy to ‘serious’ drama because I believe one can get the ax sharper on the comedic stone. ~ Gore Vidal

I want my audience to be constantly captivated, bewitched, so that it leaves the theatre dazed, stunned to be back on the pavement. ~ Francois Truffaut

I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai. ~ Orson Welles

There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between. ~ Thomas Beecham

[A major selling point for the production was how well the orchestra, down in this pit, synced with the acting, singing, and dancing on stage. Amazing.]

I can take any empty space and call it a bare stage. A man walks across this empty space whilst someone else is watching him, and this is all that is needed for an act of theatre to be engaged. ~ Peter Brook

[What was apparently the crowd size for each performance . . . ]

Free speech means the right to shout ‘theatre’ in a crowded fire. ~ Abbie Hoffman

For the theatre one needs long arms… an artiste with short arms can never make a fine gesture. ~ Sarah Berhhardt

Rock ‘n’ roll will never die. There’ll always be some arrogant little brat who wants to make music with a guitar. ~ Dave Edmunds

The musician is perhaps the most modest of animals, but he is also the proudest. It is he who invented the sublime art of ruining poetry. ~ Erik Satie

Up Next: Looks like girls hockey as we head into Thanksgiving . . .

November 18

School is a lot like toilet paper. You only miss it when it’s gone. ~ Unknown

Game 3 of the Cardinals girls hockey 2022-23 season. The Cards were hosting the Roseau Rams, a traditional hockey power that somehow is just inside Minnesota on the Canadian border. In the time since these teams moved up to class AA, the big school class (Alex because of size, Roseau to not always having to compete in the same single A class as neighboring Warroad), they have had very competitive games. On this night it would be no different . . .

Private schools have diversity, mum. There are millionaires, billionaires. ~ Tom Leopold

Getting to know your Cardinals . . .

There are three good reasons to be a teacher – June, July and August. ~ Unknown

[A highlight of this evening was running into some old hockey friends. After missing a couple of COVID years, I had lost contact with the hockey community. But Abby Williams (middle) dropped by for a chat with the first of her two daughters. The photo below was taken in 2010, the subjects were all stars on the 2008 state championship team: Kat DelZoppo (left) and Abby formed two-thirds of “the best line in the state” and Danielle Justice (right) was the star goalie. I also learned from fans that senior Ella Westlund, injured in the state soccer tournament, hopes to be playing in a couple weeks; and two swimmers from the state tournament will be changing into skates soon as regular shift defensemen . . . ]

My dad could always find the bright side. Whenever I brought my report card home from school, he’d say, “Well, at least I know you didn’t cheat.” ~ Greg Tamblyn

[And because I had no place else to stick it (“I heard that”), here’s the “Alexandria” trail tunnel under Nokomis Street where the Fat Boys walk. I believe high school students did this to cover graffiti . . . ]

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. ~ Woody Allen

[Cub Reporter on the job at the Runestone Community Center (RCC), a/k/a, the hockey rink . . . ]

In California, some high schools are requiring students to wear uniforms. They say uniforms create a safe, stable environment. Like the post office. ~ Jay Leno

[Heights and weights for the players are generically 5’3″, 120 pounds . . . ]

[I arrived in time to see the final period of the JV game . . . ]

[Player down in aisle 3!]

[Junior Kaija Niblett (39) . . . ]

[The bench skate by and fist bump . . . ]

[Following a Cardinal goal . . . ]

[Room with a view . . . ]

[Yay! We won!]

My kid drives me nuts. For three years now he goes to a private school. He won’t tell me where it is. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

[The scoreboard says they did good . . . ]

I never did very well in math—I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn’t meant my answers literally. ~ Calvin Trillin

[The captains/refs meeting prior to the varsity game. Card captains are junior Kylie Latimer (11) and senior Lauren Maras (9) . . . ]

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks. ~ A. A. Milne

[The starters have been introduced (see roster) and the rest of the team are joining them . . . ]

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. ~ Evan Esar

[The national anthem – current instructions call for placing your hand over your heart. I’ve been standing for the anthem for 70 years – this hand over the heart thing is a recent addition that I, as a veteran, choose not to follow . . . ]

[The white uniform version of “The Long Gray Line” . . . ]

[Middle of photo with hat – the father of the aforementioned 2008 state champion goalie . . . ]

Take your risks now. As you grow older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn’t even on. ~ Amy Poehler

[And play begins . . . ]

Be so good they can’t ignore you. ~ Steve Martin

[Up close and personal with Lauren Maras in the background . . . ]

[Lauren faces off . . . ]

[Freshman Lillian Dutton (26) does the same . . . ]

Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good. ~ Malcolm Gladwell

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Education is when you read the find print; experience is what you get when you don’t. ~ Pete Seeger

[A legacy: Sophomore Julia Doherty (7) wearing her older sister Anna’s number . . . ]

[Another legacy: Sophomore Morgan Aure (17) wearing her older sister MaKenna’s number . . . ]

I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ~ Groucho Marx

The United States of America has more monolingual experts on bilingual education than any other country in the world. ~  Roberto Bahruth

[Ms. Doherty again . . . ]

[Cards trying to keep the puck in the offensive zone . . . ]

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up. ~ Phyllis Diller

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? ~ John Mendosa

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. ~ Russell Green

[Fun, speedy game so far with the Cards holding a shot advantahe after two periods . . . ]

[But it all depends on the bounce of the puck! The Cards lost the game and are now 1 – 3 to start the season. But they have played three very good teams, outshot them all, and have held them all to under 15 shots per game. It holds them in good stead as the season rolls on . . . ]

Catch you next time! ~ Kat and Abby

Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only that the cat died nobly. ~ Arnold Edinborough

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. ~ Steven Wright

Up Next: Let me entertain you . . .

November 12

In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter, we are alive. ~ Stephen Leacock

And so it’s begun. The winter sports season. Alex girls hockey hosted the Trojans from Wayzata. If you’re unfamiliar with Wayzata, its a Twin Cities suburban high school whose campus dwarfs those of many major universities. Last year the Trojans were the host team and handled our Cards, 5 – 1. This year the game went down to the final 7.6 seconds when the Trojans took advantage of a Cardinal siege on their goal to get a breakaway goal for a 3 – 2 victory. Very entertaining game between two evenly-matched teams, with the Cards holding a 25 – 17 edge in shots-on-goal. We look forward to a fun season with a schedule loaded with teams that would give the Wild pause . . .

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded – accordion-style – back to full stature, without any lasting side effect. ~ Steve Rushin

Getting to know your Cardinals . . .

[This is senior Lauren Maras (9). She’s a team captain who at the team captains/referees meeting at center ice before the start of the game stood a head shorter than the others. Nevertheless, she has been a player of substance since her freshman year (I remember the boys-on-the-rail talking about her when she was in middle school) and was a key contributor in our state tournament run two years ago. As this was a close, highly-contested game throughout, it seemed like she was on the ice for every other shift in the final period . . . ]

People don’t know how fantastic women’s ice hockey is. People don’t know how fantastic hockey is in general. ~ Hilary Knight

[Classmate fans . . . ]

[The goalie cheer since . . . forever!]

Long intros are cool because there’s a little bit of anticipation, you know? ~ Miranda Lambert

[The 2022-23 Alexandria Cardinals girls hockey team . . . ]

In any other context, ‘icing’ is a great and exciting word: The proverbial icing on the cake, for instance, is a bonus – a wonderful thing on top of another wonderful thing. But in hockey, icing merely results in the referee’s raising his right hand, as if swearing an oath to the deity of downtime. ~ Steve Rushin

[A jersey number was missing in this line up. Senior Ella Westland, Number 19, a key member of this team was hurt in the state tournement soccer game a couple of weeks ago. I have no idea what her prognosis is but hope she is able to play soon . . . ]

[The team discussion concerning post game dining . . . ]

[The student fans attempt to listen in . . . ]

Whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters! ~  Norm MacDonald

[It’s decided then – Papa Murphy’s Pizza!]

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. ~ Emma Watson

[The opening face-off, involving the aforementioned Lauren Maras (9) at center . . . ]

[And away we go!]

[Less than two minutes in, the Cards lit the lamp . . . ]

[A goal by sophomore Julia Doherty (7), a legacy whose older sister Anna (also No. 7) was a past Cardinal star . . . ]

[Proof it took less than two minutes to score . . . ]

[Two more future stars, sophomores Morgan Aure (17), same number once worn by her older sister MaKenna (now playing for Wisconsin-River Falls as is last year’s Cardinal goalie Jordan O’Kane), and Emma Ramstorf (10), who also saw plenty of ice time last year as a freshman . . . ]

You watch a hockey game, and the hand-eye coordination and the speed is really miraculous; how those [girls] track the puck alone, just following it with their eyes. ~ Liev Schreiber

[Face-off in the Cardinals’ zone . . . ]

[After the 1st period, the Cardinal were looking good . . . ]

I am addicted to hockey now. I’ve seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me. ~ J. B. Smoove

[Ms. Maras charges after the 2nd period face-off . . . ]

[Cardinals in the offensive zone with sophomore forward Tayler Treat (8) and sophomore Kennedy Ellingson (3) . . . ]

To me, a hockey player has to be every sport rolled into one: ice skater, baseball player, football player, etc. It’s just incredible to watch! ~ Vinnie Paul

[Offensive zone face-off with junior Sophia Korynta (22) and sophomore Cadence Ellingson (14) . . . ]

[Again with Morgan Aure (17). She seems pretty speedy. Coach Arola once described her sister MaKenna as having insane speed . . . ]

I am extremely grateful to have had the opportunity to play hockey, especially when there weren’t equal opportunities as there are now. But at times, it was challenging. ~  Hilary Knight

[Lauren Maras readies for an offensive zone face-off . . . ]

Hockey should have some appeal. It’s a good game in that is full of action, very quick, and it can be high-scoring. ~ Casey Eastham

To win the game is great. To play the game is greater. To love the game is greatest of all. ~ Bob O’Connor

Women are playing [hockey] because they love it, not because they’re trying to be a woman in a man’s game. ~ Cammi Granato

People would say, ‘Girls don’t play hockey. Girls don’t skate.’ I would say, ‘Watch this’. ~ Hayley Wickenheiser 

[This was the period the Cards let the game get away from them with bad penalties. Once they killed off a power play only to take another penalty immediately after. Twice they had power plays but then took penalties to negate those player advantages . . . ]

So that’s why I played pro men’s hockey, that’s why I played softball and hockey at the same time, that’s why I’m not afraid to speak up – that’s just who I am. ~ Hayley Wickenheiser

[But to start the 3rd period, like the 1st period, the Cards scored early on to tie the game at 2 . . . ]

[The first varsity goal for Morgan Aure (17) . . . ]

This is your moment. You’re meant to be here. ~ Herb Brooks

[Just a bad break. Looking forward to the rest of the season. The Cards are a fun team to watch, still with a lot of youth. Two freshmen played regular shifts and showed well: Jersey Severson (21) and Lillian Dutton (26). Next up long-time rival Fergus Falls who have won their first two games by a combined score of 19 – 1 . . . ]

The most important thing you learn as a sports photographer is anticipation – not where the action is taking place, but where it’s going to take place. Not where the subject is now, but where they’re going to be. ~ Lawrence Schiller

An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality; our desires being often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing. ~ Samuel Smiles

Up Next: Likely girls hockey . . .