High School Football *

* No TV or radio time outs for ads making it, for me, the only football worth watching . . .

[Well, except for the 1960 Minnesota Golden Gophers . . . ]

September 2

I’m pure old-school Cardinals fan. ~ Mark Consuelos

First of all the name, and the color purple, I think those two things distinguish the Vikings as much as anything. You go anywhere in the country and say ‘Vikings,’ they know exactly where you are. You say ‘Cardinals,’ well, Cardinals who? There are a dozen Cardinals teams in the country in professional and amateur sports. ~ Bud Grant

[A beautiful evening for the first football game of the season . . . ]

We have all, at one time or another, been performers, and many of us still are – politicians, playboys, cardinals and kings. ~ Laurence Olivier

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now. ~ Fred Allen

[It was parents’ night . . . ]

There is nothing on earth intended for innocent people so horrible as a school. ~ George Bernard Shaw

[That’s Mark Ripley in the white shirt and shorts. He’s the school photographer. I think this night made it the 1,342nd consecutive Cardinal football game he has attended. That means drives home from such places as Bemidji in December in sub-zero temperatures and blizzards . . . ]

The fans know and the Cardinals know that I want to be a Cardinal for my whole career. I love this city. The way that this city has embraced me and my family. ~ Albert Pujols

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. ~ Doug Larson

[My main thought as we basked in yet another 75-degree day was that it was 50 degrees cooler than Death Valley . . . ]

We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school. ~ Peter De Vries

[The blank scoreboard indicated things were not going to go well. The gentleman sitting next to me said it wasn’t working for the girls soccer game a few days before. It’s brand new this season, but it’s off to a tough start. But even worse, while it has large billboard advertising, the digital part offering up such useful things at the time, the score, and down and distance are so small I had to squint from the other end of the field once they got it up and running later in the first quarter . . . ]

[Stuff happens. The first game of the season for the Cards hosted Hutchinson, the defending state champions. The Cardinals graduated all their playmakers from last year. New players at a lot of positions, including a sophomore quarterback starting his first varsity game. This is the first play of the game, an incomplete pass that was then ruled a lateral and recovered by Hutchinson, who scored a couple runs later. The Cardinals had a good kickoff return, but went 3 and out. The snap to the punter went over his head and he fell on it inside the 10 yard line. Hutchinson again scored and led 16-0 before the Cardinals even had one positive yardage pay. In the immortal words of Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., “So it goes.”]

I never did very well in math—I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn’t meant my answers literally. ~ Calvin Trillin

I said school starts tomorrow. I didn’t say I was going to be there. ~ Kim Harrison

School means work and work means death. Let’s all go take a nap. ~ Emma Shannon

[This is our sophomore quarterback, 6’7″ Chase Thompson, whose 7′ tall brother Treyton is on the Minnesota Gopher basketball team. Chase will be very good, already a topnotch basketball player, but until this last Cardinal series right before the half we were down 32-0 and had not yet attained a single first down. Chase led us down the field for a Cardinal touchdown with 4 seconds left in the half . . . ]

But, yeah, I definitely want to get a Cardinals tattoo. ~ Tyrann Mathieu

School bells are ringing loud and clear; vacation’s over, school is here. ~ Winifred C. Marshal

Run, Chase run . . .

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. ~ Aristotle

But if there’s a school bus, there needs to be a school! ~ Fred Rogers

It’s my first day of high school. I have seven new notebooks, a skirt I hate, and a stomach ache. ~ Laurie Halse Anderson

It’s been two weeks. That’s like a decade in high school years. ~ Rob Thomas

[Chase really does look the part in the pocket . . . ]

What I hate most about school is that my mom can’t read me my bedtime stories. ~ Dan Houser

[Kelly Johnson (10), a senior receiver, who was the favorite target all night with 7 catches for 116 yards . . . ]

Ain’t no registration / Ain’t no student loan / You may not learn to read or write / But you will surely learn to roll dem bones / Get on back to school. ~ Jimmy Buffett

The 5 most common words heard by a school principal: ‘Have you got a minute?’ ~ John Blaydes

[The bane of the amateur sports photographer – the accidental photo bombers . . . ]

Respect your parents. They passed school without Google. ~ Anonymous

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today’s world—an assigned parking space. ~ Gene Perret

School is a building which has four walls with tomorrow inside. ~ Lon Watters

First day of school, make sure that you know your locker combination. ~ Jordan Francis

[A completion to senior Jaxon Schoenrock (3), also a key player on the basketball team . . . ]

School is a lot like toilet paper. You only miss it when it’s gone. ~ Anonymous

[The catch . . . ]

[The TD pass, in the air, looks like it’s heading to Schoenrock (3) . . . ]

High school looks so much cooler on TV. ~ Unknown

[But it was to Johnson (10) behind him who finished the play for a 16-yard TD . . . ]

I would enjoy school more if I was allowed to bring a pillow. ~ Unknown

If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people. ~ Chinese proverb

[The Cards have a first rate place kicker, sophomore Daniel Jackson (9), who converted 3 PAT’s and had two kickoffs for touchbacks . . . ]

Don’t try so hard to fit in, and certainly don’t try so hard to be different…just try hard to be you. ~ Zendaya

[I left at the half – it was past my bedtime. The Cards settled down and played the Tigers even in the 2nd half. The final score was 46 – 21. I see a future the Cards, but the crystal ball is still a tad murky . . . ]

Before broadcasting for 50-some years, I did TV, played 10 years in the big leagues, won a world championship – and played a big part in that, too, letting the Cardinals inject me with hepatitis. Takes a big man to do that. ~ Bob Uecker

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person’s yard. ~ Demetri Martin

Up Next: Somebody had a birthday . . .