August 24

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. ~ John Oliver

Summer continues beautifully here in Vacationland USA, oblivious to its plights around the rest of the world, as I continue in my blog-catch-up mode. ~ Me

Fine dining is an occasional treat for most people. ~ Rene Redzepi

*****

I don’t like dining rooms. I think they have too much structure and are too formal. ~ Lee Radziwill

[Why yes, this is my federally-provided pencil sharpener . . . ]

Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren’t so exciting. ~ Bill Gates

May 26

Life’s pretty funny when you’re objectively on the outside looking at it. ~ Philip Seymour Hoffman

The Memorial Day weekend began yesterday with the Federales at Jack’s Pub at Carlos Creek Winery. Four sunny days in a row with temps in the lo 80’s! Unbelievable!

A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny. ~ Umberto Eco

[Karin and Dave sampling the local wares at Jack’s Pub with the brewery in the background . . . ]

I grew up in a time when women didn’t really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny – because it’s powerful; it’s a threat. ~ Lily Tomlin

[The Federales (from Minneapolis) . . . ]

What I like about the jokes, to me it’s a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won’t be funny. ~ Steven Wright

I knew exactly what to do on Alien, it was funny. ~ Ridley Scott

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

[The Minnesota state motto . . . ]

Give me a laundry-list and I’ll set it to music. ~ Gioachino Rossini

May 27

We will miss George for his sense of love, his sense of music and his sense of laughter. ~ Ringo Starr

[Jeff James doing “Willie” on the Townes Van Zandt classic on what we all agreed was a perfect weather day at Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

I think ABBA have a pure joy to their music and that’s what makes them extraordinary. ~ Bono

[Recognized for his research on angleworms and batik shirt designs . . . ]

Music will never go away, and I will never stop making music; it’s just what capacity or what arena you decide to do it. ~ Dave Grohl

[Aficionados of the Biden aviator shades . . . ]

Music is a beautiful opiate, if you don’t take it too seriously. ~ Henry Miller

People understand my message is positive, and at the end of the day, I’m just here to make music that I enjoy and that other people enjoy. I think that’s why I have such a loyal fan base. ~ Lil Peep

What most people don’t understand is that UFOs are on a cosmic tourist route. That’s why they’re always seen in Arizona, Scotland, and New Mexico. Another thing to consider is that all three of those destinations are good places to play golf. So there’s possibly some connection between aliens and golf. ~ Alice Cooper

[The Alexandria Golf Club, celebrating the new season and honoring 50-year members . . . ]

I love being on the water, wakesurfing and wakeboarding. I’m not thinking about golf. I’m just wondering if my cooler’s got enough ice to make it through the day. ~ Dustin Johnson

[The clubhouse venue . . . ]

I like going there for golf. America’s one vast golf course these days. ~ Edward VIII

[Photo discovered posted somewhere in the bowels of the clubhouse. It’s from a 3 Gals and a Guy tournament from some year unknown. It appears I won a towel, which is appropriate since I majored in towels in college. BTW, that’s a short sleeve golf jacket of a sort I can’t seen to find anymore . . . ]

I did envisage being this successful as a player, but not all the hysteria around it off the golf course. ~ Tiger Woods

I can’t hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if you’re going to hit a golf ball. ~ Dennis Quaid

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much. ~ Buddy Hackett

I went and took golf lessons so Dad would let me play with him. I was just terrible… but I was able to have a wonderful time just walking around with Dad. I can see the real pleasure of that game. ~ David Hyde Pierce

[50-year honoree, Duane Braun . . . ]

I don’t like going to the mall. I’m not really like the other girls. I just like to go out on the golf course and play. Golf is fun and feels really good. ~ Michelle Wie

[50-year honoree, Dave Schultz . . . ]

Cyclists, I work with a number of cyclists. They are great athletes; they are great aerobic athletes. If you ask them to hit a baseball or golf ball, they can’t do that. ~ Eric Heiden

I think fine dining is dying out everywhere… but I think there will be – and there has to always be – room for at least a small number of really fine, old-school fine-dining restaurants. ~ Anthony Bourdain

I played golf all over Detroit. ~ Smokey Robinson

I do not let a bad score ruin my enjoyment for golf. ~ Darrell Royal

[The pro shop was totally destroyed by fire last October. This was the grand re-opening of its replacement . . . ]

Golf is a search for perfection, for balance. It’s about meditation and concentration. You have to use hand and brain. ~ Celine Dion

[The founding year of the Alexandria Golf Club memorialized in pavers outside the pro shop . . . ]

I’m not interested in a film about golf but I am interested in golf as a metaphor. ~ Robert Redford

You can’t completely control the sport – Tiger Woods comes close. The test is against yourself and nature’s own way. I find golf a particularly good metaphor for this story. ~ Robert Redford

I’ve taken up golf in the past five or six years, and most of the time there aren’t too many people out there that can drive a ball further than I can. ~ Bo Jackson

May 28

I take photos, I used to make films, I journal incessantly, and I really value the documentation of life. Because it’s almost like you are making something special by wanting to make it exist in an object – on paper or even just in the computer – making these recordings, making this music. ~ Lucy Dacus

[Federales on Friday; Jeff James on Saturday; BAT on Sunday. And the beat goes on as he goes at this pace for 3 hours, without taking a break. Another beautiful day in Vacationland USA . . . ]

Music has this emotional thing to it, and it touches people in crazy ways. The power of having that power is something that, once you have it, you don’t want it to ever end. ~ Gwn Stefani

[When BAT comes to town, it’s an event . . . ]

I’m associated with gospel music in the minds of millions of people. ~ Pat Boone

Good fashion is like rock music: all anarchy and revolt. ~ Ann Demeulemeester

My God, how can anyone ever be a master of music? ~ Paul Hindemith

I’m not so funny. Gilda was funny. I’m funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else. ~ Gene Wilder

[The Super seeks an audience with the Princess and Prince of Ashby . . . ]

Beethoven can write music, thank God, but he can do nothing else on earth. ~ Ludwig van Beethoven

I do have a treadmill desk in my office, and for a while, I would walk on it while checking email and going through jokes. I haven’t walked on it in probably four months. Now it’s more of an upright dining table for me. At some point, moss will grow over it, birds will build nests, and nature will reclaim the treadmill as its own. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

[Enjoying the fruits of past labors . . . ]

I love Charles Barkley, he’s a good friend of mine and he’s a funny guy. He knows nothing about college basketball. Less than nothing. ~ Jim Boeheim

[The Prince and Princess of Ashby . . . ]

When I started playing music, people weren’t selling 5 million records. That was not the standard; that was not the focus. ~ Prince

First of all, I want people to understand that I’m here to create for them. To create music for people so they’ll know that I’m a source of love. And they can depend on my name. ~ Brian Wilson

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. ~ Albert Einstein

[Barb, among other things, teaches dance . . . ]

Trees are the earth’s endless effort to speak to the listening heaven. ~ Rabindranath Tagore

[Currently she is involved in establishing the Alexandria Nature Trail . . . ]

In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous. ~ Aristotle

If a guy’s got it, let him give it. I’m selling music, not prejudice. ~ Benny Goodman

Music is part of God’s universe. ~ Cat Stevens

So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. ~ Franz Kafka

I suspect music is auditory cheesecake, an exquisite confection crafted to tickle the sensitive spots of… our mental faculties. ~ Steven Pinker

[Leaving the scene . . . ]

To sit in the shade on a fine day and look upon verdure is the most perfect refreshment. ~ Jane Austen

I have come to the conclusion that the major part of the work of a President is to increase the gate receipts of expositions and fairs and bring tourists to town. ~ William Howard Taft

[On the road with BAT and Brenda . . . ]

May 29

Your job is to inspire people from your neighborhood to get out. ~ Jay-Z

[The supervisor took the babies for a ride around the neighborhood . . . ]

You can take the guy out of the neighborhood but you can’t take the neighborhood out of the guy. ~ Frankie Valli

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

[I grew up (allegedly) two houses (on the diagonal) from Pat . . . ]

The underlying message of the Neighborhood is that if somebody cares about you, it’s possible that you’ll care about others. ‘You are special, and so is your neighbor’ – that part is essential: that you’re not the only special person in the world. The person you happen to be with at the moment is loved, too. ~ Fred Rogers

[Always nice to have an environmental area in the neighborhood . . . ]

May 31

The funny thing is people won’t let me pay for things. I’ll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, ‘Oh no, it’s on the house.’ ~ Richard Branson

[It’s Wednesday night fine dining at the golf club!]

June 3

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California’s schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. ~ Conan O’Brien

[With the grandparents of a Hopkins High School alum who has now matriculated to the University of Michigan . . . ]

For good nurture and education implant good constitutions. ~ Plato

[Said recent graduate . . . ]

It might be said now that I have the best of both worlds. A Harvard education and a Yale degree. ~ John F. Kennedy

[Yeah, she’s gonna play a little basketball too . . . ]

A tourist follows a trail; a mountaineer finds one. ~ Reinhold Messner

[After the graduation party, we stopped at what was previously Sunsets in Wayzata on Lake Minnetonka . . . ]

The camera makes everyone a tourist in other people’s reality, and eventually in one’s own. ~ Susan Sontag

Tourists don’t know where they’ve been, travelers don’t know where they’re going. ~ Paul Theroux

[Overlooking Lake Minnetonka . . . ]

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist. ~ Russell Baker

[Waiting for Cam and Rog . . . ]

My only failure was the restaurant in Myrtle Beach. I kept it open for four years. It was in a tourist town, it was only busy four and half, five months of the year. But the bills kept coming all year. ~ Mickey Gilley

[I believe this was halibut pate, or some other bottom dweller . . . ]

Get to know the Chef and you will start to enjoy dining out even more. ~ John Walters

[Brother Cam and his friend Rog, from Arlington, VA, an inveterate traveler . . . ]

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. ~ Aesop

[Where we just dined . . . ]

You don’t need a silver fork to eat good food. ~ Paul Prudhomme

[The Wayzata waterfront . . . ]

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. ~ Virginia Woolf

Too many people just eat to consume calories. Try dining for a change. ~ John Walters

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. ~ Leonardo da Vinci

[The new (?) name of what was once Sunsets . . . ]

“Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.”

(We drove through a couple of gully washers on the way home from the Cities. Not a drop landed in Alex . . . )

I’m a dreamer. I have to dream and reach for the stars, and if I miss a star then I grab a handful of clouds. ~ Mike Tyson

Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray. ~ Lord Byron

There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

June 4

I firmly believe that we have more latent musical talent in America than there is in any other country. But to dig it out there must be good music throughout the land, a lot of it. Everyone must hear it, and such a process takes time. ~ John Philip Sousa

[Greg Donahue and Erik Schultz at Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory. ~ Thomas Beecham

[A spouse going to great lengths to capture a moment . . . ]

I feel like in my music I can be a rebel. I can say things I wouldn’t say in real life. ~ Taylor Swift

[The moment . . . ]

I’ll be making music ’til the day I die. I’ve done all kinds of stuff, and more is coming. ~ Eddie Van Halen

Jazz has borrowed from other genres of music and also has lent itself to other genres of music. ~ Herbie Hancock

June 6

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. ~ William Shakespeare

[The Fat Boys, on the road again . . . ]

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~ Marcel Proust

[Tuesday Nightclub at the Garden Bar: Terry, Al, Dale, and Bill . . . ]

The difference between noise and music is in what the musician does with the sounds. ~ Jean-Michel Jarre

Schizophrenia beats dining alone. ~ Oscar Levant

If you put out quality music, you’re always going to be in a good place. ~ Romeo Santos

Playwrights are like men who have been dining for a month in an Indian restaurant. After eating curry night after night, they deny the existence of asparagus. ~ Peter Ustinov

[Just comparing coifs . . . ]

Ping-pong was invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century, and it was called Wiff-waff! And there, I think, you have the difference between us and the rest of the world. Other nations, the French, looked at a dining table and saw an opportunity to have dinner; we looked at it an saw an opportunity to play Wiff-waff. ~ Boris Johnson

Everybody, no matter what vocation they’re looking at, should add music as an essential to their curriculum. Music can be a very important part of your soul and your growth as a human being. It’s so powerful. ~ Quincy Jones

Honor is simply the morality of superior men. ~ H. L. Mencken

I found that dance, music, and literature is how I made sense of the world… it pushed me to think of things bigger than life’s daily routines… to think beyond what is immediate or convenient. ~ Mikhail Baryshnikov

I like Hollywood. I just like Minneapolis a little bit better. ~ Prince

Food is one part of the experience. And it has to be somewhere between 50 to 60 percent of the dining experience. But the rest counts as well: The mood, the atmosphere, the music, the feeling, the design, the harmony between what you have on the plate and what surrounds the plate. ~ Alain Ducasse

[As the sign says . . . ]

My favorite Bible story is when Jesus feeds the multitudes after administering a drug test to make sure they deserve the food. ~ John Fugelsang

A woman simply is, but a man must become. ~ Camille Paglia

August 15

You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can’t forget. Those are your friends. ~ Mark Twain

[Over the years, we got together less and less. Travel is not kind to the aging body . . . ]

Mark Edward Brown 77 years old of Herndon, Virginia, passed away on July 22, 2023, in Herndon, VA.

Mark was preceded in death by his brother James Brown. He is survived by his brother Peter, daughter Jennifer, son Mark, mother of his children, Donna, and his grandchildren Owen & Evan.

Mark was born on August 12, 1945, in Washington, DC to parents Donald & Francis Brown. Mark attended University High School in Normal, Illinois, Illinois Wesleyan University in Bloomington, Illinois for his undergraduate degree and Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, Illinois for graduate work.

Following college Mark spent three years in the Army as a First Lieutenant and then 44 years with the U.S. Department of Commerce as the Director, Office of Budget and with NOAA/OAR as Chief Financial Officer. Mark was a devoted civil servant and received multiple honors working at the U.S. Department of Commerce and was highly regarded by Congress for his excellent work in finance for the Commerce Department.

Through out his life Mark enjoyed golfing, hunting, and attending Nascar races with his brother Jim and friends, taking his family on road trip vacations, going to Washington Redskins games with best friend Andy & son Mark and hosting annual Super Bowl parties at the house.

After retirement Mark enjoyed spending time at his home in Ocean City, Maryland, traveling to see friends and family, working on the Brown family ancestry, attending the annual Cigar Fest in Pennsylvania, and spending time with his grandchildren.

*****

The following explains an issue within the purview of Mark’s office (which was adjacent to that of the Secretary of Commerce) and was brought to the attention of the general public in Michael Lewis’s book, The Fifth Risk, and thus the weather quotes throughout this missive:

A private company whose weather predictions were totally dependent on the billions of dollars spent by the U.S. taxpayer to gather the data necessary for those predictions, and on decades of intellectual weather work sponsored by the U.S. taxpayer, and on international data-sharing treaties made on behalf of the U.S. taxpayer, and on the very forecasts that the National Weather Service generated, was, in effect, trying to force the U.S. taxpayer to pay all over again for what the National Weather Service might be able to tell him or her for free. (www.reddit.com/r/weather/)

*****

We should expect the best and the worst of mankind, as from the weather. ~ Vauvenargues

[A classy guy in a classy place, Marcus at the golf guys annual Christmas lunch at the Willard Hotel in 1993 . . . ]

You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. ~ Bob Dylan

[My acquaintance with Marcus was established through things real men did in the old days: golfed, fished, played softball for something like 25 years. These are the golf guys, with significant others, fine dining somewhere in the greater Washington, D.C., metropolitan statistical area: Marcus, Bob, Danny, Jim (Mark’s brother), and me.]

Bed is the perfect climate. ~ Noel Coward

[Da boys, Danny (on the left) and me were the two youngest of the group, and now are the only ones left . . . ]

Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. ~ Abrose Bierce

[Another fine dining experience at a place lost in the ethers of time . . . ]

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. ~ George Carlin

[Where is this place?]

It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming! ~ Donald Trump

[Again, I have no idea. I do not remember the names of the guys on each end, but I believe the gentleman on the right retired to Prescott, AZ, and looks remarkably like Dwaine Berger of Alexandria, MN . . . ]

Fall 1989

Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation. ~ Kin Hubbard

[Marcus (foreground) explores the wonders of surf fishing – a nap in a folding chair soothed by the surf under the sun . . . ]

You want a prediction about the weather, you’re asking the wrong Phil. I’ll give you a winter prediction: It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life. ~ Bill Murray (Groundhog Day)

[The fishing boys visited the Outer Banks of North Carolina every spring and fall in hopes of catching the migrating bluefish runs. Most years, though, it was just a great time to catch up on our sleep . . . ]

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. ~ Charles Dudley Warner

[You’d wade out into the waves as far as your waders would allow, cast out as far as you could with your 9-12′ surf casting rod with 4-8 ounces of lead weight on the end with a mullet-baited hook, walk back up the beach, place your rod in a sand spike, sit down in your folding lawn chair, and hope nothing would bite so you could have a nice nap, waking occasionally for a beer . . . ]

It doesn’t matter what the weather is like – even if it’s minus 10 I will go out there and fish. ~ Adrian Lewis

[A year we guessed right. That’s me with about a 10-pound blue – a nice tussle through the surf. Marcus is heading down on the far right for his next cast . . . ]

December 12, 1992

I absolutely loathe sleeping in a tent, regardless of the weather. ~ James Acaster

[The golf guys occasionally annual Christmas lunch at the Willard Hotel (years before it became the site of sedition meetings) in Washington, D.C. . . . ]

In fair weather prepare for foul. ~ Thomas Fuller

[We enjoyed the ambience of a men’s club atmosphere, with dark wood paneling and after meal digestifs and fine cigars . . . ]

October 22, 1993

I kind of like rainy weather at nighttime. I used to take naps in rainy weather. ~ YBN Nahmir

[Hoping we timed the autumn trip right – Marcus on the left . . . ]

If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm. ~ Frank Lane

[We’d place the chairs between the SUV’s for windbreaks . . . ]

Bad weather always looks worse through a window. ~ Tom Lehrer

[The Brown brothers ISO the mighty bluefish . . . ]

Summer 2002

One can’t predict the weather more than a few days in advance. ~ Stephen Hawking

[This photo was undated. I’m pretty sure this is the first time Marcus (at the helm of our pontoon, the Moby Obie) visited us on beautiful Lake Darling after we retired to Minnesota . . . ]

July 6 2005

Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you’d bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I’d be the talk of the day. ~ John Mayer

[At Arrowwood Resort on Lake Darling with Jami, Danny, and grandson Tommy . . . ]

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. ~ Steven Wright

[Just another beautiful day in Vacationland USA . . . ]

July 7, 2005

I’ve never been one to bet on the weather. ~ J. Paul Getty

[When one visits Alexandria one must visit Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

March 28, 2006

I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining. ~ Groucho Marx

[Back in D.C. for a visit and fine dining with the surf fishing group . . . ]

October 11, 2006

Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They’re always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions. ~ J. D. Salinger

[Marcus came back to Alex, and we paid a visit to Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

The people of the State of Texas consist principally of men, women, and children, with a sprinkling of cowboys. The weather is very good, thermometer rarely rising above 2,500 degrees in the shade and hardly ever below 212. ~ O. Henry

[Looks like we’re enjoying the winery’s signature Marquette . . . ]

Some scientists believe climate change is the cause of unprecedented melting of the North Pole, and that effects these very uncertain weather patterns. I think we should listen to those scientists and experts. ~ Dalai Lama

[And then a visit to Sixth Avenue Wine & Ale for dinner . . . ]

All we need is a meteorologist who has once been soaked to the skin without ill effect. No one can write knowingly of the weather who walks bent over on wet days. ~ E. B. White

[Marcus is wearing a Goose Creek sweatshirt, the golf course in Leesburg, VA, we played most often over the years . . . ]

August 9, 2009

Almost nothing is more tedious than complaining about the weather. ~ Meghan Daum

[Here at Arrowwood Resort and Conference Center on Lake Darling in Alex . . . ]

I’m a big follower and reactor to weather. ~ Jimmy Buffett

[We likely went to Arrowwood via the Moby Obie . . . ]

Among famous traitors of history one might mention the weather. ~ Ilka Chase

[Likely a business call for Marcus . . . ]

August 10, 2009

I’ve lived in good climate, and it bores the hell out of me. I like weather rather than climate. ~ John Steinbeck

[It is a rite of passage for all out-of-towners to visit the Lake Minnewaska overlook in Glenwood. Marcus drove to Alex from Herndon, VA, in his new white Ford Edge. I bought one soon after his visit . . . ]

The increasing frequency of extreme weather events, droughts and floods is in line with what climate scientists have been predicting for decades – and evidence is mounting that what’s happening is more severe than predicted, and will get far worse still if we fail to act. ~ David Suzuki

[“Yeah, this is pretty cool!” ~ Marcus]

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm. ~ Jay London

Syracuse, New York, is like Hawaii for eight months of the year. The other four months, I don’t care about the weather because we’re playing basketball. ~ Jim Boeheim

Homosexuality is like the weather. It just is. ~ Andrew Sullivan

[Lake Minnewaska is over 8,000 acres large with 20 miles of shoreline. In the foreground is the city of Glenwood (population 2,700) and on the far side of the lake lies the city of Starbuck (population just under 1,400) . . . ]

Concrete is, essentially, the color of bad weather. ~ William Hamilton

[Marcus at a neighborhood landmark – the Muddy Boot in Forada (population 170) . . . ]

I’ve always been fascinated by weather. ~ Shepard Smith

[More fine dining, in the train car of Weston Station where the great and near-great met over great steaks and wine . . . ]

The L.A. weather is a lot like Taiwan’s, where you don’t observe four seasons, so the years can pass and you don’t feel a thing. ~ Ang Lee

[A major loss for the area when this restaurant closed its doors forever several years ago . . . ]

August 11, 2009

We may achieve climate, but weather is thrust upon us. ~ O. Henry

[Marcus at the entrance to the Minnesota Lakes Maritime Museum, subsequently renamed the Legacy of the Lakes Museum . . . ]

I feel more like an environmentalist since I’ve been up here. There are parts of the Earth that are covered with pollution all the time. I saw weather that was unexpected. Storms bigger than we’ve seen in the past. This is a human effect. This is not a natural phenomenon. ~ Scott Kelly

[A Falls Flyer speed boat built in Little Falls, MN, c. 1940’s . . . ]

I spent a lot of my youth working outside in the elements, and I kind of revel in defeating tough weather. ~ Nick Offerman

[The museum’s cover of a lake cottage . . . ]

Scarves, mittens, and hats are a great way to express your personality in the cold weather. ~ Brad Goreski

[Marcus coming out the backside of the museum into the maritime gardens . . . ]

Change of weather is the discourse of fools. ~ Thomas Fuller

[Daydreaming about life on the lakes . . . ]

There are three reasons why I live in Scotland. First, I like silence, and you have to be a millionaire to buy silence in Italy. Second, I like cold weather. Third, in Italy I have too many relatives and know too many people, so I never get a quiet time. ~ Gian Carlo Menotti

[Ruthie and Marcus wining and dining at Sixth Avenue Wine & Ale in Alex. Based on what I could find in the photo archives this appears to have been Marcus’s last visit to Alex . . . ]

March 31, 2011

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. ~ Robert Frost

[On a D.C. visit with Marcus at the Carlyle Grand Cafe in Shirlington (a section of Arlington) – two blocks of fine dining on both sides of the street, and thus, logically a favorite destination for this reporter . . . ]

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. ~ Mark Twain

February 1, 2013

Nature is so powerful, so strong. Capturing its essence is not easy – your work becomes a dance with light and the weather. It takes you to a place within yourself. ~ Annie Leibovitz

[Those brave enough to venture out in the biting cold of that day, gathered at The Dubliner for an Irish nosh.  Pictured here is my brother-in-law, Mohamed Chighali, standing, who dined on the very Irish Philly cheese steak, and Mark, sitting right, who recently retired as, I believe, the equivalent of the CFO for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, and who, as I recall, dined on the more traditional fish & chips . . . ]

I love being new places and hate getting there, and have been known to say on multiple occasions that I would give anything from a piece of my soul to a limb to a portion of my life savings to teleport. Especially when bad weather keeps me off planes. ~ V. E. Schwab

[The last time we saw Mark in D.C. . . . ]

Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative. ~ Oscar Wilde

We can’t get to the $4 trillion in savings that we need by just cutting the 12 percent of the budget that pays for things like medical research and education funding and food inspectors and the weather service. And we can’t just do it by making seniors pay more for Medicare. ~ Barack Obama

I like the cold weather. It means you get work done. ~ Noam Chomsky

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other’s funeral. ~ Kehlog Albran

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Friends fill time in our lives that will be vacant when they die. ~ Helen Fitzgerald.

August 11

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn’t funny. It’s a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it’s not a surprise anymore. ~ Garrison Keillor

Another week delayed by a trip to camp. That puts me a further week behind in cub reporting. This post will cover various music events , The Post, and the end of my surgical rehab – all essentially in the third week of May. ~ Me

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days. ~ Garrison Keillor

May 20

With a doughnut in each hand, anything is possible. ~ Jameela Jamil

[A double caramel roll gift from a visiting friend yesterday almost superseded the Saturday morning doughnut run. Nevertheless, the doughnuts persisted. So, we doubled our pleasure, doubled our fun . . .

When Sinatra said, ‘For my money, Tony Bennett is the best singer I’ve ever heard,’ it changed my career completely. He was my best friend, and I was his best friend… but I was never part of the Rat Pack. ~ Tony Bennett

[The rumors were true. Yesterday was our first outdoor music event of the year. We enjoyed the musical stylings of Aksel Krafnick of Galaxy Road fame. That evening, in a continuing mood for similar activity, we matriculated to the Performing Arts Center for a performance of Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 by the Central Lakes Symphony Orchestra. We capped the evening at Lure Lakebar for a rootbeer float . . . ]

I have a simple life. In my job I have a contract that says I’m a singer. So I sing. ~ Tony Bennett

I’ll call it a day when I die. It’s a wonderful occupation for me. I’ve never worked a day in my life. ~ Tony Bennett

[The usual music suspects . . . ]

I respected Ella Fitzgerald, Nat King Cole and Frank Sinatra. Those were my heroes, and they were 10 years older than I was. ~ Tony Bennett

Lady Gaga is the Picasso of the entertainment world. She’s very intelligent. ~ Tony Bennett

[Brad Lambrecht delivers his maestro’s notes, an hour before each concert . . . ]

I think one of the reasons I’m popular again is because I’m wearing a tie. You have to be different. ~ Tony Bennett

The United States created the best popular songs that were ever written, and from the 1920s to the 1940s, it was a renaissance period. It stopped in 1950. ~ Tony Bennett

The high point for me in my career was when Sinatra called me his favourite performer in the Fifties. And I’ve been sold out ever since. ~ Tony Bennett

If music sounds dated, it means it wasn’t very good in the first place. ~ Tony Bennett

[Looking down on where the Super and I usually sit, but seats occupied by the performers during maestro’s notes . . . ]

I want to try to prove that at 100, I could sing as well as I was singing when I was 45 or 43. ~ Tony Bennett

[And the musicians begin to file in . . . ]

For many years, I’ve always been attached to what they call the Great American Songbook, and Kern was a great leader of that because he had the classical training of Europe. He impressed all the greatest composers, like Cole Porter and Gershwin. They couldn’t believe he was writing the songs he was writing. ~ Tony Bennett

I still get a little nervous before performing. You don’t want to forget a lyric; you don’t want to make a mistake. I still get butterflies. You can try to judge an audience, but you can only really judge things by the applause. ~ Tony Bennett

Cock your hat – angles are attitudes. ~ Frank Sinatra

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. ~ Frank Sinatra

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine. ~ Frank Sinatra

Rock ‘n Roll: The most brutal, ugly, desperate, vicious form of expression it has been my misfortune to hear. ~ Frank Sinatra

I am a thing of beauty. ~ Frank Sinatra

Nothing anybody’s said or written about me ever bothers me, except when it does. ~ Frank Sinatra

[After the concert, we went out for a drink . . . ]

May 21

Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong. ~ John Denver

[The Super and I took the back roads to the soon to be seen destination . . . ]

Migrant workers have helped build our roads, homes and offices. We cannot stand and watch them be homeless. ~ Sonu Sood

[It’s 31 miles from Alexandria to Long Prairie. Here we’re passing the north side of Lake Osakis, something I’d never done before . . . ]

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes. ~ Kinky Friedman

I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I’ll die like a poet. ~ Bob Dylan

[I now require sunglasses on bright sunshiny days or I get snow blindness . . . ]

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words. ~ Robert Frost

[This was the day the Super and I crossed an item off our Bucket Lists. We paid a visit to “The Pole” . . .

More on “The Pole” from it’s “owner” David Bengtson in Long Prairie: “March 10 – Today was humongous in the brief history of THE POLE! With absolutely no advance notice, an unidentified representative of Best in the World Awards (Long Prairie, MN) stopped by to present THE POLE with an understated trophy signifying its prestigious designation as “Best Pole in the World”!

Here’s a brief quote from what turned out to be a rather lengthy speech: “As someone famous will some day say, ‘Just remember, the greatest awards are often accompanied by the smallest trophies’” (Quote from “Greatest Speeches of the Future”).

The trophy will remain on display during daylight hours. To discourage thievery, we have installed a wireless security camera with 1080p HD video, 140° extra-wide field of view, and a built-in siren.

A small but appreciative audience gathered for the festivities. (They said they heard there was food.)”]

What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like beautiful music. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man’s concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses. ~ John F. Kennedy

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ~ Steven Wright

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. ~ Carl Sandburg

You don’t have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. ~ John Ciardi

Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads. ~ Marianne Moore

Poetry is the synthesis of hyacinths and biscuits. ~ Carl Sandburg

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

[A live model to provide perspective . . . ]

A poet can survive everything but a misprint. ~ Oscar Wilde

[A semi-live model to provide perspective . . . ]

I intended an Ode, And it turned to a Sonnet. ~ Henry Austin Dobson

Roads do not upgrade or maintain themselves. Bridges do not repair themselves or rebuild themselves. ~ Martin O’Malley

[After The Pole we noted we were only 15 miles from here . . . ]

I believe that all roads lead to the same place – and that is wherever all roads lead to. ~ Willie Nelson

The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines. ~ Charles Kuralt

[Where we had heard about this restaurant on Big Birch Lake . . . ]

Great artists make the roads; good teachers and good companions can point them out. But there ain’t no free rides, baby. ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was. ~ Toni Morrison

[It’s a good size lake of 2,100 acres – for the locals that places it in size between Lakes Le Homme Dieu and Carlos . . . ]

Every woman adores a Fascist. ~ Sylvia Plath

[Our server was the only employee working that day – handling both inside and on the deck . . . ]

I was born in 1940 in Minnesota and grew up in the country… dirt roads, swamps, lakes, woods. ~ Terry Gilliam

Western classical music is participative. Look at the number of people who are involved in a symphony. ~ Ilaiyaraaja

[This was the symphony orchestra’s donor party at the Legacy of the Lakes Museum. The high school’s Rainbow Strings performed for us . . . ]

I listen to old jazz and classical music, and that’s it. ~ Kenny G

[Maestro Lambrecht . . . ]

I had spent many years pursuing excellence, because that is what classical music is all about… Now it was dedicated to freedom, and that was far more important. ~ Nina Simone

The tradition of classical music and the opera is such that it used to be the place where social intercourse could take place between all parts of society: politicians, industrialists, artists, citizens, etc. That tradition, I think, still exists, but it’s much, much more diluted. ~ Yo-Yo Ma

I don’t know if it’s a sign of all the chaos that is happening out there or not, but I’ve lately craved the structure and order of classical music, the balance and symmetry. ~ Helen Reddy

I know this will blow your mind, but most people would probably never ever get it, but I listen to classical music when nobody else is around. It calms me down and I can get into this, like, deep thinking mode, you know, because there’s really no lyrics to it, so you’re not following something that – that you’re listening to a story. ~ Vanilla Ice

[Is that an ice cream parting gift?]

May 26

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. ~ Voltaire

[35th cardiac rehab session today – only one more to go. Peddled the elliptical all the way to Winnipeg and back . . . ]

Walking is man’s best medicine. ~ Hippocrates

[The rehab staff found me incorrigible, but nevertheless were happy to join me in partaking of the bags of doughnuts I brought on graduation day . . . ]

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians. ~ Alexander the Great

Up Next: The options are many . . .

July 22

No matter how big or soft or warm your bed is, you still have to get out of it. ~ Grace Slick

Summer events are in full swing in Vacationland USA. Yet to prevent getting even further behind in my work (i.e., don’t back into a meat grinder), I’m reaching back into the recent archives again . . . ~ Me

Anyone who’s 71 years old would look ridiculous singing rock. ~ Grace Slick

May 7

My music is about a joyful experience. I’ve learned that if you can affect other people, you should. ~ Cyndi Lauper

[Anthony Miltich readies to rock Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

I hate most of what constitutes rock music, which is basically middle-aged crap. ~ Sting

[The aforementioned Anthony in the aforementioned Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

I like having my hair and face done, but I’m not going to lose weight because someone tells me to. I make music to be a musician not to be on the cover of Playboy. ~ Adele

To my mind, there is a reason that music is there and it’s about being human. ~ Kim Deal

That’s the miracle of music. No one can reinterpret a Picasso, but a song can be remixed and covered and interpreted in an infinite number of ways. It’s a living thing. ~ Chris Cornell

If you listen to people talk, when people actually talk, they talk in melodies. If they get angry, their voice rises, and it’s more of a staccato thing. When they ask for something, they’re real sweet. It’s all music. ~ John Prine

My goal was always to be involved in music that would outlive me. And maybe that’s actually happening. ~ Barry Manilow

The trouble with music appreciation in general is that people are taught to have too much respect for music they should be taught to love it instead. ~ Igor Stravinsky

The GOP is getting teachers fired for teaching sex ed while the GOP shows porn on the House floor. ~ Duke Skorich

[It was also wine pick up and tasting day at the winery . . . ]

May 8

Remembrance of things past is not necessarily the remembrance of things as they were. ~ Marcel Proust

[The Class of ’65 got together for lunch for the first time since 1936, as a result of things COVID and excess wintery. 17 of our brethren and sistren showed up at Boulder Tap House for food and discussion. Some people came from as far away as Alexandria. Several seemed to be amazed that you could both graduate from high school and still be alive at age 75. There were, however, significant lapses in the retention of teacher names. We pledged to do better next time . . .

I wish my school days could have dragged on a little longer, or that I could go back and do it later in life. ~ Cara Delevingne

You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories. ~ Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

To reminisce with my old friends, a chance to share some memories, and play our songs again. ~  Ricky Nelson

I’ve never been to a class reunion or anything because I’m always afraid of that one – there’s going to be some ‘Carrie’-like incident. ~ Paul Feig

Every man’s memory is his private literature. ~ Aldous Huxley

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. ~ Aristotle

[Some of us even remembered half of our classmates names . . . ]

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. ~ G. Randolf

[Whatever it was, I recall it was quite tasty . . . ]

I’ve been looking for you God. I looked in temple. I looked in church. And today, I looked for you when I wanted to confess. But you weren’t there. I didn’t feel you at all. Not the way I do when I talked to you at night. Why God? Why do I only feel you when I’m alone? ~ Judy Bloom

[The movie had great reviews, so we were looking forward to it . . . ]

Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret. We’re moving today. I’m so scared God. I’ve never lived anywhere but here. Suppose I hate my new school? Suppose everybody there hates me? Please help me God. Don’t let New Jersey be too horrible. Thank you. ~ Judy B

[And the reviews were right!]

Sometimes Grandma is almost as bad as everybody else. As long as she loves me and I love her, what difference does religion make? ~ Judy Bloom

[After the movie we went to a great little neighborhood restaurant that featured pie a la mode for dessert . . . ]

May 10

There is no sincerer love than the love of food. ~ George Bernard Shaw

[Wednesday night fine dining at the golf club . . . ]

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. ~ Virginia Woolf

[Savoring a turkey commercial, or how to get three full meals out of a single entree . . . ]

May 13

So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. ~ Franz Kafka

[The “fruits” of the Saturday morning doughnut run . . . ]

[Summer road construction is leading to multiple, much needed, roundabouts in the greater Alexandria metropolitan statistical area . . . ]

May 14

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. ~ Lao Tzu

[Jami was here for a visit . . . ]

May 16

When in doubt, don’t. ~ Benjamin Franklin

[When the spring greenery exploded on the scene (less the shoreline reed beds which greened a few weeks later) . . . ]

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. ~ Hippocrates

[Another fine dining (salmon) evening at the Garden Bar with entertainment by Tuesday Nightclub . . . ]

I like being in a recording studio. I like watching a song go from the simplicity of the original music. ~ Grace Slick

[The aforementioned Tuesday Nightclub in all their glory . . . ]

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. ~ Henry David Thoreau

You can tell alot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jellybeans. ~ Ronald Reagan

[Let us eat cake!!]

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws. ~ Charles Baudelaire

Conductors’ careers are made for the most part with ‘Romantic’ music. ‘Classic’ music eliminates the conductor; we do not remember him in it. ~ Igor Stravinsky

When you sit down to write something, there should be no guidelines. The main idea is not supposed to be, ‘How many different ways can we sell it?’ That’s so far away from the true spirit of what music is. ~ Prince

The music that I have learned and want to give is like worshipping God. It’s absolutely like a prayer. ~ Ravi Shankar

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. ~ Mark Twain

May 17

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. ~ James Thurber

[The Canadian wildfires as seen from Alexandria . . . ]

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. ~ Abraham Lincoln

He was a bold man that first ate an oyster. ~ Jonathan Swift

[The low calorie (?) special for fine dining at the golf club this week was tortellini with marinara sauce and Italian sausage. The dining room Resorters photo is from the year I was born . . . ]

Food is our common ground, a universal experience. ~ James Beard

When you get older, it’s not about what you did that you regret, it’s what you didn’t do. ~ Grace Slick

[The scene at the Resorters Golf Tournament in 1947. . . ]

May 18

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there. ~ Lewis Carroll

[The babies room – where they wait for mom and dad to come home . . . ]

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. ~ Dorothy Parker

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. ~ Albert Einstein

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. ~ Erma Bombeck

Up Next: More older stuff . . .

July 11

My objection to organized religion is the premature conclusion to ultimate truth that it represents . . . ~ Arthur C. Clarke

Continuing our two episode recollections of our most recent national holiday ~ Me

As long as we don’t die, this is going to be one hell of a story. ~  John Green

June 29

Dunking is something guys care more about than girls, There’s something about jumping that seems to fascinate guys. Girls are more, like, ‘As long as the ball goes in, who cares how you got it there?’ ~ Lisa Leslie

[A chance to watch my favorite summer sport – basketball? Alex hosted a Breakdown tournament so I went to see how our last year’s state tournament team was progressing. They will likely be favored to reach state again the next two years . . . ]

One time, I put up 40, 50 points dunking on Shawn Bradley. After the game, he brought his family over. He was like, ‘This is my wife. She wants to take a picture.’ I’m like, ‘Nice to meet you.’ I smile into the camera, take the picture, and then feel guilty about dunking on him so many times. ~ Shaquille O’Neal

[Cardinal coach Wendy Kohler is closing in on 700 career victories . . . ]

If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming. ~ Charles Barkley

[Yes, she looks like she could still play the game herself . . . ]

I’m not a big sports fan, but I love it when they ‘slam dunk.’ That’s sexy. ~ Emma Bunton

[The Cardinals started 4 sophomores and a freshman last year. Hence, the expectations for the next two years are high . . . ]

I can jump high; I can dunk – nobody really believes that I can. ~ Christian Pulisic (5’10” U.S. soccer player)

[It was a good test. Delano is a better team than the one we played two years ago. When you watch the game close up from the end lines you realize how physical the girls’ game has become . . . ]

I can’t afford to do the highlight dunk and miss it because, if I do that, I’ll be sitting right on the bench beside the coaches. ~ Zion Williamson

I don’t think the Whataburger would dunk on the In-N-Out Burger, but I never really liked Whataburger or all the other burgers. McDonald’s is decent, I guess, but no, the In-N-Out Burger kills them all. ~ Dirk Nowitzki

[Since I can identify the other 4 Cardinals on the court, the shooter is likely point guard Allie Haabala . . . ]

I’m 6-foot-4. If my life depended on it, I could still dunk a basketball. Then I would need assistance from a first responder to get down from the rim. ~ Willie Geist

[The Cards led at the half – the games were played on running time . . . ]

When I was young, we were taught not to dunk. We were taught not to stand out from the rest of the team. It’s different now. ~ Yao Ming

[Four of the usual starters in this shot. All will be juniors this year except for the player in the right foreground who will be a sophomore. Allie Haabala is the shooter . . . ]

My first dunk ever was in middle school. We were playing, me and my church friends, and I dunked it, and I swear I could not sleep that night. ~ Jeremy Lin

[The shooter is junior-to-be Chloe Scholl. I stood next to her grandparents at the game. We remembered each other from a few years ago when their other granddaughters played on the hockey team . . . ]

When you can’t dunk anymore, you have to find a way to make it into the news. ~ Manu Ginobili

[The next game vs. Fargo Davies . . . ]

You look at today, it’s a different situation. You have a game that has been transformed into a game where almost every shot is either an outside shot – a three-point shot – or a dunk. ~ Oscar Robertson

[All-state selection junior-to-be Hadley Thul with the shot . . . ]

I apologize for being the voice of reason here, but this sports fan has almost zero interest in seeing women dunk a basketball. It’s a nice little novelty act that has a very short life span. ~ Jason Whitlock

[Hadley passing in to sophomore-to-be Kate Hennessy . . . ]

June 30

We’re in this entertainment business really to give the audience what they want. ~ Ice Cube

[Galaxy Road performing at Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

I feel like skateboarding is as much of a sport as a lifestyle, and an art form, so there’s so much that that transcends in terms of music, fashion, and entertainment. ~ Tony Hawk

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. ~ Frank Zappa

[The singer/guitar player is Aksel Krafnik . . . ]

Music is the soundtrack of your life. ~ Dick Clark

Anyone who tries to make a distinction between education and entertainment doesn’t know the first thing about either. ~ Marshall McLuhan

All it takes is one song to bring back a thousand memories. ~ Unknown

There is a core group of eight Armadillos — Armstrong, Paul “Stretch” Diethelm, Billy Scherer, Pamela McNeill, Mike Zeleny, Jay O’Donnell, Pat Thorn and Mike Kreitzer — but every guest who plays with them is called an Armadillo, too.

The core band features musicians with a deep history with some great regional and national bands from their past including Greg “Gary D.” Armstrong on keys (GB Leighton, Bobby Vee, The Vees), Paul “Stretch” Diethelm on guitar (Jonny Lang, Slip Twister), Billy Scherer on vocals (Johnny Holm Band), Pamela McNeill on vocals (Pamela McNeill Band, Rumours and Dreams, Lamont Cranston) Mike Zeleny on bass (Airtight, Slip Twister). Jay O’Donnell on drums (The Britton Brothers, Slip Twister). Their 8 piece band also features a horn section with Pat Thorn on trumpet and Mike Kreitzer on saxophone. COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL and see what everybody has been talking about!

[The Legacy of the Lakes Gardens stage . . . ]

You can’t download a live musical experience. ~ Unknown

[Local Armadillo fans arriving en masse . . . ]

I just think, certainly for live music it should look as good as it sounds. ~  Adam Ant

[Filling in the various neighborhoods in the “gardens” . . . ]

I’m not much for dancing but for you I did. ~ Taylor Swift

[Yes, another Chamber of Commerce weather evening . . . ]

Music makes the people come together. ~ Madonna

[And food and beverages were available for the hungry and the thirsty . . . ]

So stop pretending you’re shy, just come on and dance, dance, dance, dance, oh. ~ Jonas Brothers

For those of you in the cheap seats I’d like ya to clap your hands to this one; the rest of you can just rattle your jewelry! ~ John Lennon

[Kelli Minnerath, executive director, Alexandria Education Foundation and Cardinal Athletic Foundation, welcomes the Armadillos and their fans . . . ]

We sometimes take photos (or record a video) so that we can later see what was happening while we were busy taking photos (or recording a video). ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

[“And a thank you all for supporting the education foundation” . . . ]

It’s not a concert you are seeing, it’s a fashion show. ~  Freddie Mercury

[Chris Hawkey and Cassandra Ronnie on vocal chords, Jay O’Donnell on drums . . . ]

We will rock you. ~ Queen

[Paul “Stretch” Diethelm on guitar, Mike Kreitzer on saxophone, Mike Zeleny on bass, and Greg Armstrong on keyboards . . . ]

The middle of the road is for yellow lines and dead armadillos. ~ Jim Hightower

[“Stretch”!]

Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much. ~ Will Cuppy

You know, sometimes you can’t just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice. ~ Dana Carvey

[And Pat Thorn on trumpet . . . ]

What joy when the insouciant armadillo glances at us and doesn’t quicken his trotting across the track into the palm brush. ~ Denise Levertov

Without the beat in the background, jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard. ~ Bill Bailey

While other guitars may have more twang or an esoteric atmosphere, the Les Paul is like a T-Rex thampling everything in it’s path .. it can be subtle if you want it to be, but it works best if you have an ‘armadillo in your trousers’ and you want to articulate that. ~ Miles Zuniga

[They’re kind of everybody’s favorite band in this part of the world. And I can’t believe that as long as they have been together, there has never been a decent music video of them?]

Is God a man or a woman? God could be an armadillo. I have no idea. ~ Sherman Alexie

[Kreitzer covered the famous saxophone riff on “Baker Street.” Raphael Ravenscroft, a studio musician, was the saxophone player on the hit record. The story is when Gerry Rafferty sent him a check for his services on the record, the check bounced. So, Raphael performed his famous riff for no remuneration . . . ]

I know I’m smarter than an armadillo. ~ Lee Child

A great artist can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is … and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be … more than that, he can make anyone with the sensitivity of an armadillo see that this lovely young girl is still alive. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

In the woods, if you stopped, if you grew still, you’d hear a whole new set of sounds . . . armadillos snorkeling through dead leaves. ~ Tom Franklin

I do a lot of thrifting, but I don’t go shopping in a concerted way very often. I find things by accident that I can’t talk myself out of, like armadillo purses. ~ Mackenzie Davis

Khufu carefully picked out everything that ended with-o—Doritos, Oreos, and some chunks of meat. Buffalo? Armadillo? I was scared to even ask. ~ Rick Riordan

[And then the audience got in on the action . . . ]

We know that there are many animals on this continent not found in the Old World. These must have been carried from here to the ark, and then brought back afterwards. Were the peccary, armadillo, ant-eater, sloth, agouti, vampire-bat, marmoset, howling and prehensile-tailed monkey, the raccoon and muskrat carried by the angels from America to Asia? How did they get there?  ~ Robert Ingersoll

[As with any audience, the level of dancing skills . . . varied . . . ]

It turned out to be a young Dasypus novemcinctus, a nine-banded armadillo, about the size of a small loaf of bread. Although they were becoming more common in Texas, I’d never seen one up close before. Anatomically speaking, it resembled the unhappy melding of an anteater (the face), a mule (the ears), and a tortoise (the carapace). I thought it overall an unlucky creature in the looks department, but Granddaddy once said that to apply a human definition of beauty to an animal that had managed to thrive for millions of years was both unscientific and foolish. ~ Jacqueline Kelly

Our shepherd had decided that the finest specialty of the area was armadillo, and there wasn’t a single Sunday that his wife failed to cook us up an armadillo – ~ Massimo Carlotto

Hastily, all alone, a glistening armadillo left the scene, rose-flecked, head down, tail down. ~ Elizabeth Bishop

The first thing about Dallas that you can’t get away from, particularly when I arrived, you’ve got no idea of the heat in this place. It’s over 100 degrees, and with that the humidity is ridiculous. I mean, people don’t live here, armadillos live here. ~ Chris Vance

One of my favorite books is ‘Armadillo Rodeo’, and I got the idea from traveling to Texas and seeing armadillos. ~ Jan Brett

. . . avocados, prickly pears and papayas used to be gulped down whole, seeds and all, by fridge-sized armadillos called glyptodonts. ~ Adam Leith Gollner

Fine, sure, go ahead. Weird, but I like it. ~ Conan O’Brien, on God green-lighting the Armadillo

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? ~ George Carlin

[But if I were grading on an Olympic scoring system, the woman with the blue sleeveless top was the winner of the dance contest . . . ]

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport. ~ Bobcat Goldthwait

[The conga line, once considered extinct, came back to life with the Armadillos . . . ]

There are no green mammals. ~ Weird Science

It’s extremely likely that the people who have never been exposed to a human who has leprosy, it’s very likely they got leprosy from exposure to an armadillo. ~ Anthony Fauci

I Sellotape whole tins of sardines to my face at night, attach two squeezed lemon rinds to my armadillo-skinned elbows, and put cucumber on my eyes. ~ Barry Humphries

If I had a cat I’d buy another one so I could kick one and then the other. ~ Greg Abbott

This was either “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” or the Fabulous Armadillos at the Legacy of the Lakes Gardens . . . ~ Me

With the advance of feudalism came the growth of iron armor, until, at last, a fighting-man resembled an armadillo. ~ John Boyle O’Reilly

July 2

If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first. ~ Mark Twain

[Our first breakfast of the season at the golf club . . . ]

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. ~ Dean Martin

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning. ~ J. B. Priestley

[Yet another golfer who should be breakfasting instead . . . ]

Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps. ~ Emo Philips

Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. ~ Plato

[We were delighted to welcome back the internationally-awarded music duo, Patchouli, to Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

Where words fail, music speaks. ~ Hans Christian Andersen

[Julie and Bruce historically played in Alex several times a year, but with gigs in Florida (in winter) and all seasonal points between, they are pretty much booked up everywhere now . . . ]

Without music, life would be a mistake. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

[All our best again to Julie and Bruce, after a tough year of Bruce fighting off cancer. His advice as a result is to always carry an extra 50 pounds, as he needed them all . . . ]

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~ Victor Hugo

Music doesn’t lie. If there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music. ~ Jimi Hendrix

In fine arts, when you make a painting, it’s just a painting. But if you make a painting in the entertainment industry, it can be an album cover or a t-shirt or a logo. ~ Andrew W. K.

I think sports has done a disservice for a lot of black kids thinking they can only be successful through athletics and entertainment. I want them to know they can be doctors, lawyers, teachers, fireman, police officers, etc. ~ Charles Barkley

[Local photographer and noted coffee roaster, Paul Trumm, shoots a photo . . . ]

Most entertainment is trying to get you. It’s tested, like toothpaste. ~ Albert Brooks

[The crowd wandered back outside after an afternoon rain . . . ]

Music is the one part of the entertainment business where you can’t fool anybody into buying a record. ~ Nile Rodgers

[The rain delay chased us all inside for half hour or so. But the big finish was back out on the wine patio . . . ]

July 3

Let’s put it this way: I don’t have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours. I don’t understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why, exactly. ~ Janeane Garofalo

[Anthony Miltich at Lure Lakebar, hard by the shores of Lake Le Homme Dieu, on another perfect weather day in Vacationland USA . . . ]

Music is escapism, it’s entertainment. ~ Andy Taylor

[While the Super enjoyed an adult beverage, I snarfed down a few onion rings . . . ]

I never called my work an ‘art’. It’s part of show business, the business of building entertainment. ~ Walt Disney

[The lake was unbelievably busy with water craft . . . ]

Well, you know, in this crazy world of entertainment, I would say if you have a dream, you have to pursue it. ~ Caprice Bourret

I learned that the first technology appeared in the form of stone tools, 2.6 million years ago. First entertainment comes evidence from flutes that are 35,000 years old. And evidence for first design comes 75,000 years old – beads. And you can do the same with your genes and track them back in time. ~ Zeresenay Alemseged

Art is moral passion married to entertainment. Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television. ~ Rita Mae Brown

July 4

Every morning was a cheerful invitation to make my life of equal simplicity, and I may say innocence, with Nature herself. ~ Henry David Thoreau

[Happy Independence Day! I am now and have always been a morning person . . . ]

How sweet the morning air is! See how that one little cloud floats like a pink feather from some gigantic flamingo. Now the red rim of the sun pushes itself over the London cloud-bank. It shines on a good many folk, but on none, I dare bet, who are on a stranger errand than you and I. How small we feel with our petty ambitions and strivings in the presence of the great elemental forces of Nature! ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

The next morning dawned bright and sweet, like ribbon candy. ~ Sarah Addison Allen

I love the smell of book ink in the morning. ~ Umberto Eco

I drink cup of sunlight every morning to brighten myself. ~ Debasish Mridha

Cultivate the habit of early rising. It is unwise to keep the head long on a level with the feet. ~ Henry David Thoreau

July 5

Pop culture and entertainment can be dismissed as surface, but it’s not. It’s the language we all speak, and it’s the connection point between people all over the world. ~ Bozoma Saint John

[Terrance and the band hit a grand slam as far as the audience was concerned . . . ]

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot. ~ Steve Martin

[The musicians were all super . . . ]

Culture relates to objects and is a phenomenon of the world; entertainment relates to people and is a phenomenon of life. ~ Hannah Arendt

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. ~ Aldous Huxley

Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life. ~ Jean Paul

Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman. ~ Ludwig van Beethoven

[Ruthie caught a couple bead necklaces . . . ]

Music is everybody’s possession. It’s only publishers who think that people own it. ~ John Lennon

True music must repeat the thought and inspirations of the people and the time. ~ George Gershwin

I guess a good song is a good song is a good song, ya know. ~ George Thorogood

[Super fun night . . . ]

July 7

Storytelling is the oldest form of entertainment there is. From campfires and pictograms – the Lascaux cave paintings may be as much as twenty thousand years old – to tribal songs and epic ballads passed down from generation to generation, it is one of the most fundamental ways humans have of making sense of the world. ~ Maria Konnikova

I remember when I was first starting out in the late 50’s, and everybody at that time said rock ‘n roll was gonna die. I was 15 years old when I started, and I certainly didn’t believe that was true. I thought anything that feels this good and makes me want to tap my foot like this can’t be a passing fad like everybody says. Of course, they were wrong, and here we are in the 90’s and it’s alive and well, and getting programmed all over the country, and really all over the world. So it’s been a great journey. ~ Bobby Vee

remembering bobby vee
August 15-16, 2017

The Killer Vees, featuring Jeff, Tommy and Matt Vee along with Bobby’s long-time guitarist Ar J Stevens and pianist George Maurer will reunite at Theater L’ Homme Dieu one last time to say goodbye to their father, uncle, friend, mentor and band leader Bobby Vee. Complete with Bobby’s touring string section and cast members from Teen Idol: The Bobby Vee Story singing songs from their roles in the play as well as helping out on background vocals.

[We left for the theatre early because rain was on the way. We didn’t quite make it so we stayed in the car for a half hour or so until it quit . . . ]

Rock gives children, on a silver platter, with all the public authority of the entertainment industry, everything their parents always used to tell them they had to wait for until they grew up and would understand later. ~ Allan Bloom

Living ain’t easy, loving’s twice as tough. ~ Bobby Vee

[Interspersed throughout the show were videos of the life and times of Bobby Vee . . . ]

So remember when you tell those little white lies that the night has a thousand eyes. ~ Bobby Vee

[Theatre executive director Nicole Mulder does the introductions . . . ]

I once thought losing my confidence was the worst thing that could happen; then I lost my faith. ~ Bobby Vee

[DYK Bob Dylan once played piano for Bobby’s Vee band. He played then under the name Elston Gunnn (yes, 3 n’s), but he was subsequently let go because he could only play in the key of C . . . ]

Come back when you grow up girl, you’re still living in a paper doll world. ~ Bobby Vee

[Dylan thought of Vee as a brother because they were from the same part of the country . . . ]

You’re looking like a woman now, you’re mind hasn’t gotten the message somehow. ~ Bobby Vee

[Bob Dylan & Vee met again when Dylan was playing in Greenwich Village & Vee was at the Top of the Charts . . . ]

I punched my buddy in the nose after lunch, now I’m in trouble cause the dean saw the punch. ~ Bobby Vee

[Bobby’s nephew Matt on guitar and lead vocalist, and Bobby’s son Tommy on bass . . . ]

I see music as fluid architecture. ~ Joni Mitchell

[Bobby’s grandson Bennett Vee, lead guitar player on the far right, is now a regular . . . ]

I produced a song for Bobby Vee called Get The Message. ~ Jimmy Griffin

Music is forever; music should grow and mature with you, following you right on up until you die. ~ Paul Simon

[BTW, that’s Tommy’s brother Jeff on drums . . . ]

Music is the best means we have of digesting time. ~ W. H. Auden

The wise musicians are those who play what they can master. ~ Duke Ellington

[Matt’s 14-year old son Will joined in with the band on drums and later on guitar . . . ]

Lean your body forward slightly to support the guitar against your chest, for the poetry of the music should resound in your heart. ~ Andres Segovia

[Proud papa looks on . . . ]

It was my 16th birthday – my mom and dad gave me my Goya classical guitar that day. I sat down, wrote this song, and I just knew that that was the only thing I could ever really do – write songs and sing them to people. ~ Stevie Nicks

He has Van Gogh’s ear for music. ~ Billy Wilder

[You rock, Killer Vees!]

My father used to sing to me in my mother’s womb. I think I can name about any tune in two beats. ~ Yancy Butler

[Apologies to Julie Velline – Matt’s wife and Will’s mom – here in the back, stage left (from this perspective), for not getting a better photo of her. She, a star in her right, sang with the band and did a couple (?) of solos. Spoiler alert: We retired to Alex 22 years ago. Thus, I know we have known Julie and Matt for that long because they were both working at Wells Fargo at the time – and Julie was our mortgage banker . . . ]

[A previous photo of Julie, with Matt, from a place long ago and far away . . . ]

Please write music like Wagner, only louder. ~ Samuel Goldwyn

[Another super show!]

Nobody with an IQ higher than emergency-room temperature could ever believe that ‘death panels’ would be appointed to nudge the elderly toward euthanasia. Yet for idle entertainment, it’s hard to beat Sarah Palin’s ignorant nattering on the subject. ~ Carl Hiaasen

Nevertheless, we do need insects, for they perform many useful functions. Without insects, for example, we would have no reliable way to spread certain diseases. ~ Dave Barry

Life is a lot like jazz… it’s best when you improvise. ~ George Gershwin

Up Next: Back to cleaning up the back files . . .

July 8

I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being. ~ Thornton Wilder

Independence Day, like many major holidays these days, is more than just a single day (Christmas is an entire season). So, this a recollection of days before and days after the 4th of July . . . ~ Me

The theatre was created to tell people the truth about life and the social situation. ~ Stella Adler

June 22

“1972. A then-lawyer at the ACLU named Ruth Bader Ginsburg set out to convince an all-male Supreme Court to take sex discrimination seriously with an unconventional strategy. She didn’t just bring cases where women were the victims of discrimination; she also brought cases where men were the victims. In this episode, we look at how a key battle for gender equality was won with frat boys and beer.*

This world premiere one act play is adapted with permission from NPR and Radiolab from one of their most popular podcast episodes. Minnetonka Theatre is excited to bring this remarkable true story back to life on the TLHD stage. Two performances only.”

[The kids from Minnetonka did it again. They performed their tied for first place in the state one-act play contest “Honk & Holler” at Theatre L’Homme Dieu on Thursday night. Incidentally, Alexandria tied them for first place . . . ]

Carolyn becomes the reluctant plaintiff in a historic Supreme Court case argued by Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a young lawyer at the ACLU, who convinces an all-male Supreme Court to take discrimination against women seriously by bringing a case against the young men who frequent Carolyn’s establishment. It’s a remarkable story of two very different women and how, together, they change the world. This one act play, performed by Minnetonka Theatre, is just 40 min, no intermission.

Free speech means the right to shout ‘theatre’ in a crowded fire. ~ Abbie Hoffman

[A fan enjoying the pre-performance amenities . . . ]

When I saw ‘Hercules,’ my mind just exploded because I was extremely thin; I was insecure. I literally ran out of the theatre and started lifting things, anything I could think of – milk crates. I’m still lifting things. It changed my life. ~ Sylvester Stallone

[“Thank you, Becky!”]

I like the ephemeral thing about theatre, every performance is like a ghost – it’s there and then it’s gone. ~ Maggie Smith

[The TLHD’s executive director, Nicole Mulder, and Minnetonka Theatre’s artistic director, Trent Boyum, discuss what is about to be presented . . . ]

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it. ~ Alfred Hitchcock

The last time I heard real screaming in the theatre was when I went to see a movie I did years ago, called ‘Wait Until Dark.’ Now, my mother was the least emotional person on the planet, but when I got killed in the movie, she stood up and screamed, ‘That’s my son!’ At Radio City Music Hall in New York! ~ Alan Arkin

I always liked the visuals to be choice and at the same time minimalist. And, I love black boxes. After all, that’s what theatre is, it’s an empty space, and it’s both limited and unlimited because the space is the space, but what you can do with people’s imaginations is really endless. ~ Harold Prince

In the end I think theatre has only one subject: justice. ~ Edward Bond

June 24

In its beginnings, music was merely chamber music, meant to be listened to in a small space by a small audience. ~ Gustav Mahler

[This was the last performance of the 1922-23 season for the Central Lakes Symphony Orchestra. And we were treated to a sky show on the way home . . . ]

We are a summer camp for families of all shapes and sizes where you can create family memories and reconnect. We take care of you! Family Camp is a vacation with no pre-planning needed, no cooking (unless you want to), and plenty of free time with and without the kids. You will leave feeling rested, spiritually renewed, and reconnected as a family. ~ Mount Carmel website

[Arriving for the Chamber Concert at Mount Carmel on Lake Carlos in Alexandria . . . ]

Rows and flows of angel hair . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

[The cloud show on the drive home . . . ]

And ice cream castles in the air . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

And feather canyons everywhere . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

Looked at clouds that way . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

But now they only block the sun . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

They rain and they snow on everyone . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

So many things I would have done . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

But clouds got in my way . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now . . . ~ Joni Mitchell

June 27

One of my biggest thrills for me still is sitting down with a guitar or a piano and just out of nowhere trying to make a song happen. ~ Paul McCartney

[The entry sign tells all . . . ]

Music doesn’t lie. If there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music. ~ Jimi Hendrix

[The aforementioned (by sign) Anthony Miltich . . . ]

You couldn’t not like someone who liked the guitar. ~ Stephen King

[The venue . . . ]

Gathered Oaks, a sister property of Rustic Oaks out of Moorhead, Minnesota, shares in the owners’ dream of offering a place to remind us of shared hopes and dreams, a place where we can dwell with nature, and a place where we celebrate the connections of our loved ones. The barn and land here is the heart of many special gatherings and events, and we’re eager to share in your joy and delight as you plan your wedding day or fete. ~ Website

There are countless golden moments between loved ones that weave themselves into the day when it’s wedding day or a special event. We take these to heart and always wish to offer the atmosphere in which you’re celebrating be the loveliest and coziest it can be! ~ Website

Since I can’t read music and everything, I find out that I do the best when I just listen to where I’m trying to go with it, and where it can go, and not try to rush it. ~ Stevie Ray Vaughan

The guitar has a kind of grit and excitement possessed by nothing else. ~ Brian May

[Abnormally well-behaved audience . . . ]

Give me a guitar, give me a piano, give me a broom and string; I wouldn’t get bored anywhere. ~ Keith Richards

[The usual when Anthony sings “Piano Man,” we all rush forward to “put bread in his jar” . . . ]

I recognize that I have some responsibility to keep the music alive, and it’s pretty honorable position to be in. ~ Eric Clapton

Don’t use your brain to play it, let your feelings guide your fingers. ~ Jimi Hendrix

Every time you pick up your guitar to play, play as if it’s the last time. ~ Eric Clapton

Who I am as a guitarist is defined by my failure to become Jimi Hendrix. ~ John Mayer

Rock stars come and go. Musicians play until they die. ~ Eddie Van Halen

My guitar is not a thing. It is an extension of myself. It is who I am. ~ Joan Jett

To me a guitar is kind of like a woman. You don’t know why you like ’em but you do. ~ Waylon Jennings

Besides being a guitar player, I’m a big fan of the guitar. I love that damn instrument. ~ Steve Vai

Guitar is the best form of self-expression I know. Everything else, and I’m just sort of tripping around, trying to figure my way through life. ~ Slash

[Full bar, pizza oven, and food, at Gathered Oaks . . . ]

The guitar is a wonderful instrument which is understood by few. ~ Franz Schubert

The guitar was my weapon, my shield to hide behind. ~ Brian May

[A last look back as we flee the premises for the play at Theatre L’Homme Dieu . . . ]

A guitar is a very personal extension of the person playing it. You have to be emotionally and spiritually connected to your instrument. I’m very brutal on my instruments, but not all the time. ~ Eddie Van Halen

The theatre is the involuntary reflex of the ideas of the crowd. ~ Sarah Bernhardt

The way the world is, I think a silly evening in the theatre is a good thing, to take our minds off terror. ~ Tim Curry

Every baseball crowd, like every theatre audience, has its own distinctive attitude and atmosphere. ~ Bill Veeck

June 28

As far as I’m concerned, there won’t be a Beatles reunion as long as John Lennon remains dead. ~ George Harrison

[The Boys of ’65 wandered down to Glenwood yesterday for a nosh at Rolling Forks Vineyards on the south side of Lake Minnewaska. Bradley unfortunately is still on an extended medical sabbatical – but we’re cheering for him. Mayo opted for a fleet of sweet wines while I had Marquette Reserve as beverages for our pizzas. After a month of sunny rain free days, the much needed rain finally arrived and its aftermath made for a somewhat hazy cloudy day with limited visibility of the scenic lake lying below us. Despite that, Mayo’s first impression was that of a lovely place to enjoy such an outing. We enjoyed our usual three hours together and hope to get together as a threesome again next month . . . ]

It would be fun to do a reunion show. I hope we do it some day, but it better be soon. We’re all getting on. ~ William Christopher

[Mayo with his wine fleet and pizza . . . ]

The future is built on brains, not prom court, as most people can tell you after attending their high school reunion. But you’d never know it by talking to kids or listening to the messages they get from the culture and even from their schools. ~ Anna Quindlen

[A longtime favorite writer quoted above and my longtime favorite pizza below . . . ]

Without a reunion, the Eagles are forever young, like James Dean. ~ Glenn Frey

[Lake Minnewaska at the bottom of the hill . . . ]

If the Police could do a reunion… One of the biggest jerks I ever met was Sting. If he can do it, then anyone can do it. It’s not that big a deal. And the Eagles! They did it! They severely hated each other. It’s just rock and roll. ~ Steven Adler

[Lake Minnewaska, closer-upper . . . ]

Maybe one day I can have a reunion with myself. ~ Sebastian Bach

[Looking toward the western end of Lake Minnewaska . . . ]

I’ve never been to a school reunion. Mainly because I’m still in touch with my two friends and after them, I only really liked the teachers. I’m pretty sure no one invites teachers to school reunions. ~ Sarah Millican

[Looking northwest over the lake . . . ]

Many a witty inspiration is like the surprising reunion of befriended thoughts after a long separation. ~ Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

[Looking north across the lake . . . ]

If you share a common ancestor with somebody, you’re related to them. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to invite them to the family reunion, but it means that you share DNA. ~ Henry Louis Gates

There are no ‘Leave It to Beaver’ families. Everybody’s family’s got that one nut that comes to the family reunion and you’re like, OK, that guy’s here. ~ Eddie Griffin

[The building with the restaurant and wine making apparatus . . . ]

There’s some horrible connotations in the word ‘reunion.’ ~ Carrie Brownstein

Let’s put it this way: there wouldn’t be much point in me attending a high-school reunion now because there wouldn’t be anybody there. We’d struggle to raise a quorum. ~ Clint Eastwood

Musical theatre history is littered with bad reviews for now classic pieces. ~ Andrew Lloyd Webber

[When your entire life revolves around eating (Wednesday night fine dining at the golf club) . . . ]

If the radical right had its way we’d all be church-going polyester heterosexuals driving around in white Cadillacs eating meatloaf and wax beans while mammoth bulldozers leveled all our forests and even hummingbirds were extinct. ~ Charley, The Voice of the Butterfly – Author: John Nichols

The truth, the absolute truth, is that the chief beauty for the theatre consists in fine bodily proportions. ~ Sarah Bernhardt

My plan is to have a theatre in some small town or something and I’ll be manager. Ill be the crazy old movie guy. ~ Quentin Tarantino

Up Next: Part 2 . . .

July 5

I hate writing, I love having written. ~ Dorothy Parker

These are the final days of Mini U, i.e., college; a day of rest in Nashville; and the return home. I came home so much smarter again I decided to re-take the SAT’s. At my age, it has taken me so long to pound out this puppy I need a new avocation. But I love paying homage to Dorothy Parker . . . ~ Me

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard. ~ Dorothy Parker

June 14

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. ~ Dorothy Parker

[It’s all about writers . . . ]

Their pooled emotions wouldn’t fill a teaspoon.  ~  Dorothy Parker

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of ‘The Elements of Style.’ The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy. ~ Dorothy Parker

[Truman Capote and Harper Lee were friends . . . ]

Four be the things I’d have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. ~ Dorothy Parker

[Mark Twain was popular as a writer and speaker . . . ]

I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money. ~ Dorothy Parker

[Lest you were wondering about the Dorothy Parker quotes . . . ]

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. ~ Dorothy Parker

[Out of a list of 12 writers, I correctly discerned that the two “jerks” were Hemingway and Capote. Unfortunately, I took the class pass-no pass . . . ]

I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. ~ Dorothy Parker

[Thomas Wolfe was 6’6″, quirky, didn’t drive, was only 37 when he died from tuberculosis . . . ]

It’s always something. ~ Gilda Radner

[Unfortunately, our professor for this class was medically indisposed . . . ]

One half who graduate from college never read another book. ~ G. M. Trevelyan

[Fortunately, the gentleman in charge of IU travels was immediately available to present a slide show of a recent trip to Antarctica. The day was saved by a nice recovery by Mini U . . . ]

If matters go badly now, they will not always do so. ~ Horace

If there is no struggle, there is no progress. ~ Frederick Douglass

[By the mere accident of table choice, we had dined with Professor Schlib earlier in the week . . . ]

Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will. ~ Frederick Douglass

[Lincoln and Douglass met three times; Douglass was invited to Lincoln’s 2nd inauguration . . . ]

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~ Frederick Douglass

[A most interesting fact: There are more photographs of Frederick Douglass than of any other person of the 19th century (which, of course, includes Lincoln) . . . ]

I am a Republican, a black, dyed in the wool Republican, and I never intend to belong to any other party than the party of freedom and progress. ~ Frederick Douglass

[Douglass grieved Lincoln’s death . . . ]

I didn’t know I was a slave until I found out I couldn’t do the things I wanted. ~ Frederick Douglass

[The Emancipation Memorial was erected in Washington, D.C. in 1876 (the centennial) funded by the wages of freed slaves . . . ]

To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker. ~ Frederick Douglass

[Douglass was concerned that the 1876 election ended the Reconstruction era . . . ]

No man can put a chain about the ankle of his fellow man without at last finding the other end fastened about his own neck. ~ Frederick Douglass

[D.C. Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton tries every year to have the Emancipation Memorial removed because it’s paternalistic, despite being funded by freed slaves . . . ]

I got all my work done to graduate in two months and then they were like, I’m sorry, you have to take driver’s ed. I just kind of went, Oh, forget it. ~ Fiona Apple

[The view from the DOM’s room. We’re angling for a similar room next year . . . ]

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. ~ Fred Allen

[This statue was banned in Florida . . . ]

Yeah, I spent about 20 years in a dorm room. It took me a while to graduate. ~ Douglas Wilson

[The adjacent man was subsequently also banned in Florida . . . ]

I don’t look to find an educated person in the ranks of university graduates, necessarily. Some of the most educated people I know have never been near a university. ~ John Keegan

[A wall mural in the Memorial Union . . . ]

Really, the potential for, first of all, any college graduate today is enormously good. These are good times for anyone with a college degree today, particularly African Americans. With a college degree today, you really breach the unemployment rate. ~ Alexis Herman [Editor’s note: Ms. Herman was once the Administrator of the Department of Labor’s Wage and Hour Division, a/k/a, where I worked. We once had a fine dining lunch together with other staff.]

[Students touring the campus. Here at the Sample Gates . . . ]

For many, graduation marks the end of formal student life – the end of long spring breaks and of thinking that a 10 A.M. class is far too early. ~ Alexa Von Tobel

[ISO a fine dining experience . . . ]

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California’s schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. ~ Conan O’Brien

You know what has made me the happiest I’ve ever been? Seeing my son and daughter graduate from college. More than wanting them to be educated, I wanted them to be nice people. To see that they have become both is just a wonderful thing. ~ Gil Scott-Heron

[With the real IU alums at Nick’s English Pub, their hang out back in their days 55+ years ago!]

You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy. ~ Neil Simon

[The penultimate day of college (we have a morning class tomorrow). We have had a lovely week and today we look forward to classes from the superstars. Beth Cate (a Supreme Court expert) begins the day with “Just Shoot Me . . . “, about the 2nd Amendment, of course; and this evening Margie Hershey will address a packed auditorium about the “2024 Elections”.]

June 15

Whenever you put a man on the Supreme Court he ceases to be your friend. ~ Harry S Truman

[Starting the day with a lecture from Beth Cate. There are worse things in life . . . ]

His [Justice Anthony Kennedy] uncertainty on which way to go in partisan gerrymandering and the Masterpiece Cakeshop case shows this. And while he wrote some forward-thinking opinions, he also wrote or joined decisions that contributed to a substantial weakening of our core institutions. ~ Beth Cate

We want to bear witness today that we know the relation between corporate greed and what goes on too often in the Supreme Court decisions. ~ Cornel West

In America, the Supreme Court and the American people believe no one is above the law. ~ Jeff Sessions

If the publicly passed campaign finance laws had not been struck down by the Supreme Court, Club for Growth Action would be illegal, and Heritage Action wouldn’t have the SuperPAC threat to back up its small ad purchases. ~ Zrphyr Teachout

I willingly accept that we who judge must not deny the differences resulting from experience and heritage but attempt, as the Supreme Court suggests, continuously to judge when those opinions, sympathies and prejudices are appropriate. ~ Sonia Sotomayor

Just because a majority of the Supreme Court declares something to be ‘constitutional’ does not make it so. ~ Rand Paul

It’s hard not to have a big year at the Supreme Court. ~ Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Our review of more than 700 years of English and American legal history reveals a strong theme: government has the power to regulate arms in the public square. … Indeed, we can find no general right to carry arms into the public square for self-defense. ~ Judge Jay Bybee

When I joined the Supreme Court in 1975, both state and federal judges accepted the Court’s unanimous decision in United States v. Miller as having established that the Second Amendment’s protection of the right to bear arms was possessed only by members of the militia and applied only to weapons used by the militia. ~ John Paul Stevens

The U.S. Supreme Court has a lot to answer for, because it has made it impossible for Congress to reduce the corrupting influence of money on American political life. ~ Peter Singer

District of Columbia v. Heller, which recognized an individual right to possess a firearm under the Constitution, is unquestionably the most clearly incorrect decision that the Supreme Court announced during my tenure on the bench. ~ John Paul Stevens

Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people. ~ Carl Sagan

We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology. ~ Carl Sagan

[There are a thousand to a million stars in a cluster . . . ]

Sometimes I think we’re alone in the universe, and sometimes I think we’re not. In either case the idea is quite staggering. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

[A cluster is up to 10’s of light years across . . . ]

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe. ~ Carl Sagan

[The universe is 13.7 billion years old. Globular clusters are up to 13 billion years old. There is no available literature from that time . . . ]

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

[The Milky Way has 160 globular clusters . . . ]

Our species needs, and deserves, a citizenry with minds wide awake and a basic understanding of how the world works. ~ Carl Sagan

[In other words, for to have minds wide awake, one must be woke . . . ]

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. ~ Carl Sagan

[“Order” is the goal of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam . . . ]

I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

[Catholicism dominated the 16th century . . . ]

It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God – but to create him. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

[In early maps East was up and Jerusalem was the center of the universe . . . ]

I don’t believe in God but I’m very interested in her. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

[By 1450, maps were fairly accurate with North facing up . . . ]

Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep thoughts can be winnowed from deep nonsense. ~ Carl Sagan

[The Garden of Eden is an allegory . . . ]

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious. ~ Albert Einstein

[The DOM of Fort Wayne . . . ]

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. ~ Oscar Wilde

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. ~ Erma Bombeck

Success didn’t spoil me; I’ve always been insufferable. ~ Fran Lebowitz

[Undergrads showing off their ‘IU’ cookies at the faculty reception . . . ]

How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

[What we learned in college today . . . ]

The notion of a free press is critical to the American version of democracy. And when we have a political leader who is deliberately trying to undermine faith in that institution, the institution has to stand up for itself. ~ Marjorie Hershey

[She is the author of “Party Politics in America,” now in its 18th edition . . . ]

In a democracy, voters choose their political leaders. In a democracy that permits gerrymandering … elected leaders choose their voters. ~ Marjorie Hershey

[I had a bad angle and bad lighting for photos. But I could hear her just fine. Each year we really look forward to the classes from Professors Hershey and Cate . . . ]

June 16

Hotel rooms inhabit a separate moral universe. ~ Tom Stoppard

[The shared hotel room of the three of us packing up after graduation . . . ]

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. ~ Steven Wright

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out. ~ Henny Youngman

Gaslighting is mind control to make victims doubt their reality. ~ Tracy Malone

[Our last class before graduation. A subject matter appropriate for this day and age . . . ]

Here comes the gaslighting. He’s attempting to make me feel crazy for being scared, even though my fear is more than warranted. ~ Colleen Hoover

If you decide to label a behavior as gaslighting on social or in real-time, be sure you are correct. Because if you are not, you’d be the one gaslighting. ~ Richie Norton

Our potentially prosperous nation is beset by treasonous imbeciles, forgoing commonsense and reason for fearmongered, preconceived notions they’ve been gaslighted into by the very people profiting from their ignorance. ~ Bryan (Nyrhalahotep) Hardbarger

Gaslighting is a subtle form of emotional manipulation that often results in the recipient doubting their own perception of reality and their sanity. In addition, gaslighting is a method of manipulation by toxic people to gain power over you. The worst part about gaslighting is that it undermines your self-worth to the point where you’re second-guessing everything. ~ Dana Arcuri

You just need to be convincing enough to fool the public. That’s easy. ~ Sol Luckman

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. ~ Buddha

[“The Biddies” planned this visit for after Mini U on the way home to Nashville . . . ]

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. ~ Buddha

[Our first view matched the brochure’s cover . . . ]

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha

[The Cultural Center . . . ]

The mind is everything. What you think you become. ~ Buddha

[The interior of the Cultural Center – beautiful . . . ]

Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized.  ~  Dalai Lama

I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done. ~ Buddha

[Rita with our tour guide (for just the three of us) . . . ]

I was born into the world as the king of truth for the salvation of the world. ~ Buddha

[Made of individual beads . . . ]

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes. ~ Buddha

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace. ~ Buddha

A woman of the world is anxious to exhibit her form and shape, whether walking, standing, sitting, or sleeping. Even when represented as a picture, she desires to captivate with the charms of her beauty and, thus, to rob men of their steadfast heart. ~ Buddha

Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace. ~ Buddha

It is better to travel well than to arrive. ~ Buddha

Just as treasures are uncovered from the earth, so virtue appears from good deeds, and wisdom appears from a pure and peaceful mind. To walk safely through the maze of human life, one needs the light of wisdom and the guidance of virtue. ~ Buddha

[Then we took a stroll around the site . . . ]

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~ Buddha

[Yurt style cabins . . . ]

A jug fills drop by drop. ~ Buddha

[A lilypad pond . . . ]

Know how to travel from your town to a nearby town without a car, either by bus or by rail. ~ Marilyn Vos Savant

[A Bloomington landmark more famous than Hinkle’s Hamburgers, it’s the last stop on the way out of town towards Nashville . . . ]

I prefer the things around town. I’m not one for going out of town too much. ~ Julie London

[A must stop whenever we’re there . . . ]

All my friends are so small town.  ~ John Cougar Mellencamp

[On State Road 46 between Bloomington and Nashville, we passed John Mellencamp’s pre-divorce house . . . ]

Ain’t that America home of the free, yeah? Little pink houses for you and me. ~ John Mellencamp

[It’s hard to see the house, particularly if you’re driving by apace (and there are no shoulders for stopping) . . . ]

I’m not a princess this ain’t a fairytale. I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet. Lead her up the stairwell, this ain’t Hollywood, This is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now its too late for you and your White Horse to come around. ~ Taylor Swift

[We missed this Theatre L’Homme Dieu show while we were away. Fortunately, we have witnessed their excellence in the past. Jami and Danny went in our stead and loved it!]

I meet a lot of young people in the Midwest, and I saw what a difference a show like In the Life can make to their lives in some of these small towns where, you know, there are probably two gay people in the whole damn town. ~ Lesley Gore

[Jami got to visit with Lori after the show . . . ]

June 17

There is a comfortable feeling in small towns. It is salubrious. ~ Andie MacDowell

[Just a day for hanging out with “The Biddies” in Nashville . . . ]

June 18

I hate small towns because once you’ve seen the cannon in the park there’s nothing else to do. ~ Lenny Bruce

[The morning of departure back to Minnesota enjoying a sit in Rita’s porch . . . ]

The secrets of small towns have fascinated writers and readers since the first psychological thriller was penned. ~ Fiona Barton

[Her porch view to the west (toward Bloomington) reflects the “mountains” of Brown County . . . ]

Small towns are the worst for getting recognised. ~ Wayne Knight

[Then a visit to Rita’s United Methodist Church where her Pastor Mary was getting a public buzz cut in advance of upcoming chemo therapy treatments . . . ]

When I read ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’ I was so struck by the universality of small towns. ~ Tom Brokaw

I think in small towns like this one, whether you’re a man or a woman, you basically do what there is to do. ~ Estelle Parsons

[Confetti flew and applause grew upon completion . . . ]

I grew up with this crazy upbringing of living many places and always being the new kid in town . . . I was constantly arriving in small towns and going to school with kids who’d been together since they were in kindergarten. ~ John Lithgow

[Then just across the street (which describes everywhere in Nashville) for a cool one . . . ]

Fame is only good for one thing – they will cash your check in a small town. ~ Truman Capote

[While Ruthie took care of the bill . . . ]

There are things about growing up in a small town that you can’t necessarily quantify. ~ Brandon Routh

[Rita joined me with her strawberry margarita and Ruthie’s pina colada . . . ]

I come from this really small town near Nashville, Tennessee, where everything was la-di-da and normal. ~ Miley Cyrus

[I opted for the Cold Ass Beer . . . ]

I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities. ~ Sarah Palin

[Here’s to another fine week in Hoosierville!]

I’m a small-town girl, and it’ll never be beaten out of me. ~ Erica Durance

[Who has more fun than “The Biddies”?]

My plan is to have a theatre in some small town or something and I’ll be manager. Ill be the crazy old movie guy. ~ Quentin Tarantino

[For reference to where we were, that’s Rita’s church’s steeple in the background . . . ]

Everybody wants you to do good things, but in a small town you pretty much graduate and get married. Mostly you marry, have children and go to their football games. ~ Faith Hill

[And then we were gone . . . ]

June 19

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does. ~ Immanuel Kant

[Jami babysat our babies while were gone. As she prepared to leave for home, Ruthie gave her a squirt off!]

A small town is a place where there’s no place to go where you shouldn’t. ~ Burt Bacharach

[Jami, Danny, and a friend painted and cleaned our garage while we were gone. As a reward for such efforts, along with many thanks, they’ve likely earned a dinner at El Loro on their next visit . . . ]

I think us guys are fortunate to have such a great female fan base, from age eight to 80. I know my grandparents have lots of friends who are saying we want pictures of him topless. It is quite the talk in a small town. ~ Kellan Lutz

These two girls start wanting the same thing because in this neighborhood, they know all the guys so well. It’s a small town and all the guys are just really boring to them. ~ Caroline Dhavernas

I really understand where Alice is coming from – I’ve been in exactly the same place coming from a small town and knowing that I need to do other things, that I have to leave. ~ Molly Parker

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. ~ Dorothy Parker

“Excuse my dust.” Parker suggested that this be used as an epitaph on her final resting place – and it was. ~ Dorothy Parker

Up Next: May the Fourth Be With You ( . . . I heard that!)

June 24

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. ~ H. L. Mencken

We would spend the rest of the week on campus, enjoying the life of college students. My university stride long since dissipated (remember crossing the Washington Avenue bridge over the Mississippi River at the U of M between classes?), all our classes were fortunately in the same building (though walking from one wing of the convention center to another could induce muscle cramps). Let us begin . . . ~ Me

Sometimes my wife expresses concern about “overloading the circuit,” a term I suspect she read in one of her magazines. In the past decade or so, the women’s magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that men know how to fix things, when in fact all they know how to do is look at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner, which they learned in Wood Shop; eventually, when enough things in the home are broken, they take a job requiring them to transfer to another home. ~ Dave Barry

CLASSES BEGIN

June 11

Uff da! ~ Me

[This is a late edition photo (it’s now July 10 to be precise). The professional photographer posted over 650 pics of Mini-U week on flickr and this is the one she took of us on registration day. Because we do not have a PhD in such things, we can’t figure out how to enroll in flickr – so I printed this photo off the computer screen and then scanned it into my computer. Thus, it’s not of professional quality, but it’s the best I could do with limited resources, i.e., brains . . . ]

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. ~ Will Rogers

[The view from our hotel room in the Biddle Hotel & Conference Center on the IU campus . . . ]

We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. ~ Abraham Lincoln

[As the screen says, this was Mini University 2023 Orientation . . . ]

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. ~ Steven Weinberg

June 12

Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

[“The Biddies” and I shared a room with little or no embarrassments . . . ]

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. ~ Albert Einstein

[Continental breakfast in the Solarium before the Opening Convocation in Alumni Hall. We arrived before it was legal, as is the Supervisor’s wont . . . ]

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile. ~ Mark Twain

[The aforementioned Alumni Hall – as previously noted, we were a tad early . . . ]

Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. ~ H. L. Mencken

[I walked outside only to discover that since we were early the door locked behind me . . . ]

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~ Abraham Lincoln

[The Opening Convocation in Alumni Hall . . . ]

We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. ~ H. L. Mencken

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. ~ H. L. Mencken

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. ~ H. L. Mencken

[Presenting the president of Indiana University, Dr. Pamela Whitten . . . ]

To begin with, sponges are not plants. They are multi-celled animals, although they have no mouths, internal organs, brains or nervous systems. They cannot move, but they can reproduce, eat, grow and obtain Florida driver’s licenses. ~ Dave Barry

[This is Ann Schertz, a professional photographer who for as long as we have been attending been contracted to cover Mini U. We have been known to simultaneously take photos of each other just for fun . . . ]

I never think of the future – it comes soon enough. ~ Albert Einstein

[My first class was with Carl Weinberg, who also educated me at last year’s Mini U . . . ]

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

[The conspiracy theories regarding evolution: 1) Teaching evolution is harmful (you act in animalistic ways) . . . ]

Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another. ~ Nelson Mandela

[2) Marx, Engels, Lenin, and Trotsky were all big fans of Darwin . . . ]

Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you haven’t had four beers. ~ Dave Barry

[3) Hitler was backed by many who hated Jews . . . ]

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

[Class No. 2, human-computer interaction tracking what your body is doing all the time, i.e., the datafication of health . . . ]

Like slavery and apartheid, poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the actions of human beings. ~ Nelson Mandela

[For Blacks in a mental health crisis, 911 calls can be a death sentence . . . ]

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. ~ Mark Twain

[Class No. 3 – the Kinsey Institute (at IU) is number one in sex and gender research . . . ]

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. ~ H. L. Mencken

[Discussion of how through the years women fought for and obtained certain legal equalities with men . . . ]

Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. ~ H. L. Mencken

[Professor Sellers was a practicing lawyer, but always wanted to be a teacher. So, eight years ago she became one – and a good one . . . ]

Early in the morning of October 8, 1991, Mrs. Florence A. Snegg of Uvula, Michigan, was having an extremely vivid dream in which her son, Russell, was involved in a terrible automobile accident. Suddenly she was awakened by the ringing of her telephone. On the line was a Missouri state trooper, calling long distance to remind Mrs. Snegg that she had never had children. ~ Dave Barry

[I chimed in with an inquiry as to what happened to the physical abilities of women between 1860 and 1960 – how in 1860 women could walk across the country with wagon trains with a child on each hip and operate the family farms when the men went to fight in the Civil War, and yet by 1960 had become so fragile they could not cross midcourt in a basketball game?]

The Hawaiian language is quite unusual because when the original Polynesians came in their canoes, most of their consonants were washed overboard in a storm, and they arrived here with almost nothing but vowels. ~ Dave Barry

[Lunch music . . . ]

The U.S. space probe Meanderer J I, after a journey of six years and many millions of miles, passes within 400 miles of the surface of Neptune, sending back dramatic color photographs of a Delta Air Lines jet. ~ Dave Barry

Should explain that a “sommelier” is a wine steward, the dignified person who comes up to you at expensive restaurants, hands you the wine list, and says “Excellent choice, sir,” when you point to French writing that, translated, says “Sales Tax Included.” ~ Dave Barry

[Got her . . . ]

Of course most of us find it difficult to talk about insects without bringing up the subject of sex. ~ Dave Barry

[Lunch . . . ]

A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. ~ H. L. Mencken

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. ~ Groucho Marx

[With our long time friends from Fort Wayne, who are locally famous for actually knowing what a Hoosier is . . . ]

I realize I am generalizing here, but, as is often the case when I generalize, I don’t care. ~ Dave Barry

[The Supervisor was among the elite few to attend the class on this organ . . . ]

The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. ~ Pablo Picasso

[It is a small world after all – we met Winston on a Viking Ocean cruise in 2018 . . . ]

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. ~ Ernest Hemingway

Blues is easy to play, but hard to feel. ~ Jimi Hendrix

[Photo taken on the request of a fellow student taken by the curved glass display case . . . ]

June 13

It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein

[Class No. 4 – I also had these guys last year, excellent lecturers . . . ]

Whoever would overthrow the liberty of a nation must begin by subduing the freeness of speech. ~ Benjamin Franklin

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. ~ H. L. Mencken

[Their conclusion is that we cannot reach enough energy production totally from green renewable sources without going through at least a transition period of nuclear power . . . ]

Of course your bleeding-heart-liberal-secular-humanist left-wing communists will tell you that it’s a bad thing to own a gun, but as any knowledgeable gun nut will tell you, there are countless factual anecdotes concerning alert gun-toting homeowners who have thwarted the forces of evil. ~ Dave Barry

The discovery of “superconductors”—materials that offer no resistance to electricity even at relatively high temperatures—creates a worldwide stir of excitement among the kind of dweebs who always had their Science Fair projects done early. ~ Dave Barry

The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear – fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety. ~ H. L. Mencken

Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized. ~ Albert Einstein

[Lunch in the ever popular Tudor Room with “The Biddies.” Although it was not what one would consider fine dining, it was certainly fine ambience . . . ]

The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor. ~ H. L. Mencken

If the groom-to-be’s views were actually considered, the wedding would be a far more relaxed affair, possibly involving go-carts. ~ Dave Barry

[Dine with the ones who brung ya . . . ]

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~ Thomas A. Edison

[Class No. 5 – we only eat 15-20 different foods per week . . . ]

Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list. ~ Denis Leary

When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. ~ Confucius

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. ~ H. L. Mencken

[Class No. 6 – Professor Miller was as animated as her subject matter . . . ]

Oscar C. Klaxton, an employee of the U.S. Department for Making Everybody Nervous, wins a $10,000 prize for dreaming up the concept of a deadly “hole” in an invisible “ozone layer.” ~ Dave Barry

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. ~ H. L. Mencken

[Words for the Fat Boys Walking Club to live by . . . ]

Now, if Richard Nixon had claimed something like that you would at least have had the comfort of knowing he was lying. You could trust Nixon that way. ~ Dave Barry

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. ~ Mark Twain

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~ Milton Berle

Call me a proud American, if you want, but I truly believe that no other nation on Earth possesses the capabilities to put on a more powerful display of underwater mermaid patriotism. ~ Dave Barry

[We came here the first time, maybe 30 years ago. With Basketball Dan to a basketball tournament in Indianapolis. This burger joint is just off the IU campus in Bloomington. Dan had heard of it so we had to eat there. It was unfortunately closed when we were there this time . . . ]

It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. ~ Lewis Grizzard

[“The Biddies” putting the “I” in “IU” . . . ]

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. ~ John Lennon

What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. ~ Bob Dylan

[Class No. 7 – our 4th college class of the day, we gave our teacher (a retired IU professor) a standing ovation for his 2-hour presentation on Bob Dylan . . . ]

Folk music is a bunch of fat people. ~ Bob Dylan

You’re going to die. You’re going to be dead. It could be 20 years, it could be tomorrow, anytime. So am I. I mean, we’re just going to be gone. The world’s going to go on without us. All right now. You do your job in the face of that, and how seriously you take yourself you decide for yourself. ~ Bob Dylan

People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent. ~ Bob Dylan

All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die. ~ Bob Dylan

Inspiration is hard to come by. You have to take it where you find it. ~ Bob Dylan

I’m inconsistent, even to myself. ~ Bob Dylan

[That’s the prof’s son sitting in the far corner . . . ]

If I wasn’t Bob Dylan, I’d probably think that Bob Dylan has a lot of answers myself. ~ Bob Dylan

Some people seem to fade away but then when they are truly gone, it’s like they didn’t fade away at all. ~ Bob Dylan

[Gorgeous was famous for, and appreciated by, Dylan, Muhammad Ali, and (I think) the Rolling Stones, among others, for inspiring them early in their careers . . . ]

Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them. ~ Bob Dylan

I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom. ~ Bob Dylan

There is nothing so stable as change. ~ Bob Dylan

[At the end of his 2-hour presentation, the assembled masses sprung (well, struggled) to their feet for a standing ovation . . .

No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky. ~ Bob Dylan

[We have two nephews who live in Indiana and had Prof. Gass back when they were at IU. They both have fond memories of him . . . ]

A poem is a naked person… Some people say that I am a poet. ~ Bob Dylan

I think women rule the world and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn’t allowed him to do or encouraged him to do. ~ Bob Dylan

[Back “home” at the Biddle after the Dylan class . . . ]

This land is your land and this land is my land, sure, but the world is run by those that never listen to music anyway. ~ Bob Dylan

[I found a coed . . . ]

If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. ~ Malcolm X

Let’s not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse. ~ H. L. Mencken

Up Next: More about life at college . . .

June 22

Knowledge is good. ~ Emil Faber

Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children, and not for the education of all adults of every age? ~ Erich Fromm

This was our occasionally annual visit to Indiana University for yet another week of postsecondary education, this time at Mini University. We spent the school year in Alex attending community education movies alternating bimonthly between documentaries and foreign films, and also attended Senior College for the fall, winter, and spring semesters for two classes each week. Nevertheless, I’m still at a loss to explain racism or America’s gun fetish, each of which are far more difficult to explain than dark matter or string theory. So, the search continues. There were many firsts on our first flight in decades. We were advised to arrive at MSP 2 1/2 hours early. We shuttled from Alex to St. Cloud and arrived at 11:00 for a 1:00 flight. Not one customer in line when we got there. The agent was training a new employee – his son. We flew through and were at our gate by 11:10. Our seats were on the bulkhead, right behind the pilots (Sun Country has no 1st class – it’s totally classless) so for my first time ever, we were the first people off the airplane. But we arrived at the farthest gate from baggage claim in the Indianapolis airport – after a 2 1/2 hour walk we had our bags and were picked up by Ruthie’s sister Rita. The adventure continues . . . ~ Me

The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can’t just say it’s pictures of people naked. . . . But if National Geographic were to publish an article entitled “The Girls of the California Junior College System Hunt the Wildebeest Naked,” some people would call it pornography. But others would not. And still others, such as the Spectacularly Rev. Jerry Falwell, would get upset about seeing the wildebeest naked. ~ Dave Barry

June 9

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income—which he then spends sending his son to college. ~ Bill Vaughn

[This was somewhere on the ride with Rita from the Indianapolis airport to her home in Nashville, Indiana (60 miles). Rob Hill is Ruthie’s son. We had no idea . . . ]

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught. ~ Winston Churchill

[Ruthie’s sister Rita’s classic log home in Nashville (population 1,266), located 18 miles east of Bloomington and the Indiana University campus . . . ]

Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. ~ Daniel J. Boorstin

[“The Biddies” outside Rita’s house, which was built in the 1930’s, as I recall, with logs retrieved from a building that was obviously much older . . . ]

Headbangers are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts. ~ Dave Barry

[Dinner the first night in Nashville at the Sycamore Saloon . . . ]

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television’s message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath. ~ Dave Barry

[A current area hot spot with such amenities as live music and outdoor dining . . . ]

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals like Hydrogen and Oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. ~ Dave Barry

[Inside, early enough to beat the evening rush hour . . . ]

The voice belonged to Mr. Pzyrbovich, an algebra teacher who was always called Mr. P, for obvious reasons. He has a heavy accent, which a lot of kids said made him hard to understand, although to be fair some of these kids would have never understood algebra anyway. ~ Dave Barry

[Rita’s son Dave joined us and was familiar with the musicians playing that evening. We finished dining before the music started . . . ]

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it. ~ Dave Barry

[Son and mom. Dave works at Cummins, Inc. in Columbus, Indiana, which is 18 miles east of Nashville – meaning Nashville is the exact halfway point between Bloomington (population 80,000) and Columbus (population 50,000) . . . ]

There was nowhere to sit except the bunk, which was covered with rotting food, and a wooden stool, upon which sat a large fur-covered lump—an old cheese, perhaps, or a dead cat. ~ Dave Barry

[Pollock was the evening’s special – it was quite tasty . . . ]

June 10

Our chief marketable skill, coming out of college, is the ability to write authoritatively about things we don’t necessarily understand. ~ Dave Barry

[Different angles of view for Rita’s house . . . ]

Which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. ~ Dave Barry

Regular adult Americans are no more capable of doing math than they are of photosynthesis. ~ Dave Barry

Remember that being offended is not the same thing as being right. ~ Dave Barry

[Next we walked into downtown Nashville, the subject of many of the following photos . . . ]

Some years ago I proposed a new tourism-promotion slogan for Miami. I even had a bumper sticker made. It said: ‘Come back to Miami! We Weren’t Shooting at YOU’. ~ Dave Barry

[Nashville is a very artsy community. And when you’re there shopping, you don’t have to worry about the above Miami motto . . . ]

Oh, I’m not saying that alcohol is perfect. It has caused its share of problems. Russia is only one example. ~ Dave Barry

Did you hear about the toilet being stolen from the police station? The cops have nothing to go on. ~ Dave Barry

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers. ~ Dave Barry

[“The Biddies” can, and literally do, spend several hours in a place like this . . . ]

Eating in Germany is easy, because there is basically only one kind of food, called the “wurst.” ~ Dave Barry

[“The Biddies” prepare to cross the street at the main Nashville intersection for breakfast at the Hob Nob Restaurant, famed in song and story . . . ]

The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And even then it’s not easy. ~ Dave Barry

[“The Biddies” noticed I had a bruise or something by my right eye. Stuff happens . . . ]

By the 1800s, animal sacrifice had been largely discredited as a medical procedure; today it is rarely used outside of Miami. ~ Dave Barry

[Breakfast at the Hob Nob. We were lucky to get a table . . . ]

The reason is that you eat too many foods that are high in “calories,” which are little units that measure how good a particular food tastes. Fudge, for example, has a great many calories, whereas celery, which is not really a food at all but a member of the plywood family, provided by Mother Nature so that mankind would have a way to get onion dip into his mouth at parties, has none. ~ Dave Barry

She had large, wide-set green eyes, and long brown hair that curled slightly and turned to gold at the tips. She wore a long, straight blue dress that accentuated the slimness of her frame. She was perhaps an inch taller than Peter, and by the look of her she took baths. ~ Dave Barry

[I waited and waited for “The Biddies” to come out. Apparently there were major delays at the ladies room . . . ]

Or they laughed at Indiana, because the people there proudly call themselves Hoosiers even though they have no idea what Hoosier means. Some historians believe it comes from the Shawnee expression “ho’o-sa’ars,” or “people who cannot explain their nickname. ~ Dave Barry

Simply by eliminating description, the screenwriter can work his way through the entire plot in a single morning, leaving the afternoon free for screenwriter leisure activities such as drugs. ~ Dave Barry

Sometimes I think the main purpose of professional sports is to give guys something to talk about that does not involve them personally. ~ Dave Barry

Under Florida’s “stand your ground” law, it is legal to shoot anybody for any reason as long as you are standing on the ground. ~ Dave Barry

[The wait lines at the Hob Nob have grown outside the building . . . ]

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. ~ Dave Barry

So for some reason everybody makes this huge deal about pandas. I don’t know why. They never actually do anything except eat and poop. But they’re really famous. ~ Dave Barry

[Words fail me . . . ]

Every single human cell contains “DNA,” which is a special molecule that your body leaves behind at crime scenes so the police can identify you. ~ Dave Barry

[Nashville is so classy it turned its old library into an exquisite public restroom . . . ]

Fort Lauderdale is sometimes called The Venice of America by people who clearly have never been to Venice. ~ Dave Barry

In my experience, any trend that reaches the point where large organizations are inflicting it on their personnel has a high statistical probability of being stupid. ~ Dave Barry

Our original idea was to write a book titled Fifty Shades of the Hunger Games, by J.K. Rowling with Stephen King: A John Grisham Novel. ~ Dave Barry

Of course most of us find it difficult to talk about insects without bringing up the subject of sex. ~ Dave Barry

No reason to join a fight until you know what side you’re on. ~ Dave Barry

Boy is this journey ever long. Also arduous. ~ Dave Barry

I love Special Executive Order 768 dash 4. ~ Dave Barry

If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you’ll notice two things about them: 1. They all had editors. 2. They are all dead. Thus we can draw the scientific conclusion that editors are fatal. ~ Dave Barry

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. ~ Dave Barry

You can put suspenders on a salamander, but it still won’t make waffles. See what I mean? That sentence makes absolutely no sense, but I got paid to write it. It’s printed right here in a published book! ~ Dave Barry

Up Next: You may have noticed Mini-U cut in line. I still have many stories in the archives. They will have to wait while Mini U plays itself out . . .

June 2

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’ ~ Dave Barry

Spring venues have pretty much expired. As the weather warms and daylight lingers, reporting turns mainly to outdoor eating and music. Let the new season begin . . . ~ Me

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. ~ Dave Barry

May 7

It’s All Anthony . . .

We’ll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. ~ Dave Barry

[An afternoon with Anthony Miltich at Carlos Creek Winery . . . ]

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. ~ Dave Barry

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. ~ Dave Barry

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~ Dave Barry

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. ~ Dave Barry

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. ~ Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. ~ Dave Barry

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. ~ Dave Barry

‘Escargot’ is French for ‘fat crawling bag of phlegm’. ~ Dave Barry

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. ~ Dave Barry

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. ~ Dave Barry

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. ~ Dave Barry

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid. ~ Dave Barry

May 8

The Class of ’65 Goes to Lunch . . .

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base. ~ Dave Barry

[The Class of ’65 got together for lunch for the first time since 1936, as a result of things COVID and excess wintery. 17 of our brethren and sistren showed up at Boulder Tap House for food and discussion. Some people came from as far away as Alexandria. Several seemed to be amazed that you could both graduate from high school and still be alive at age 75. There were, however, significant lapses in the retention of teacher names. We pledged to do better next time . . . ]

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.  ~ Dave Barry

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.  ~ Dave Barry

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around. ~ Dave Barry

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. ~ Dave Barry

[p.s. Ruthie snuck in as a spouse – I’m not sure if that’s legal?]

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. ~ Dave Barry

Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?  ~ Dave Barry

It’s Me, Margaret . . .

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. ~ Dave Barry

[The best movie reviews I had seen in a long time. Thus, it was a must see movie. The reviews were correct . . . ]

You should not confuse your career with your life. ~ Dave Barry

[OK, the movie held our attention better than the expressions here . . . ]

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. ~ Dave Barry

[The day ended with a pie invite from friends – first pizza, then ala mode for dessert . . . ]

May 10

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. ~ Dave Barry

[Wednesday night fine dining at the golf club. The turkey commercial allegedly had fewer calories than a week’s worth of sales at DQ . . . ]

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn’t have eyeballs or fins. ~ Dave Barry

[OK, we took them home and made three more meals out of them . . . ]

May 13

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. ~ Dave Barry

[“Now why do cops Love donut shops Donuts tend to make them big and strong and tough-n” ~ Jack Ellison]

May 14

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. ~ Dave Barry

[Jami dropped by for a visit from “up north” . . . ]

May 16

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. ~ Dave Barry

[It’s the summer of roundabout construction in the Alexandria metropolitan area . . . ]

He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl. ~ Dave Barry

[The grass is green, the trees are greening, but the shoreline reed and cattail beds are still a work in progress . . . ]

Tuesday Nightclub

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. ~ Dave Barry

[With Tuesday Nightclub at the Garden Bar on 6th – I enjoyed the salmon . . . ]

Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can’t see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything. ~ Dave Barry

[Emeritus musicians Jim, Terry, Bill, and Al . . . ]

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. ~ Dave Barry

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate. ~ Dave Barry

[The one thing I know for sure is that this does not fall within the scope of my “sticks and twigs” diet . . . ]

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter. ~ Dave Barry

Guys care about sports teams. I’m not talking about simply rooting; I’m talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows. ~ Dave Barry

He felt a momentary pang of regret that he had not spent more time with his beloved wife. But it passed when he remembered that the reason he’d gone to sea in the first place was that he had never really liked his beloved wife. ~ Dave Barry

“In our language,” he said, “Alf means squid poop.” ~ Dave Barry

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth. ~ Dave Barry

May 17

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. ~ Dave Barry

[The Alberta wildfires as seen from Alexandria . . . ]

A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge. ~ Dave Barry

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. ~ Dave Barry

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. ~ Dave Barry

I realize that I’m generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don’t care. ~ Dave Barry

[The Resorters on my birth year . . . ]

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can using only their hands and feet make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. ~ Dave Barry

May 18

The Babies

Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals. ~ Dave Barry

[The babies in the guest bedroom waiting for Mom to come home . . . ]

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes. ~ Dave Barry

May 19

The Boys of ’65 Have a Nosh . . .

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. ~ Dave Barry

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.  ~ Dave Barry

[The Boys of ’65 had a rare Friday get-together yesterday. Mayo and I hadn’t seen Bradley for quite a while as he has been on the medical reserve list for some time. Although he appeared to be in fine fettle, he still wasn’t ready yet to be extradited from his apartment. So, I gathered some individual pizzas from Zorbaz and we ate in. As usual we spent most of the afternoon discussing the bathroom habits of elderly people, and what pharmaceuticals are best for what symptoms. We are hopeful Bradley will be available for a road trip next month. You will note that his dining room has the appearance of the flight deck of the starship Enterprise – maybe for our next engagement, we can “beam” ourselves to Paris for lunch . . . ]

Don’t you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don’t even have to be true! ~ Dave Barry

If, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it’s because you’re TOO CLOSE, alright? SO DON’T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER. ~ Dave Barry

He could even think about how fast he was thinking about things. ~ Dave Barry

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. ~ Dave Barry

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. ~ Dave Barry

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. ~ Dave Barry

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom. ~ Dave Barry

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. ~ Dave Barry

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears – of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words “Some Assembly Required”. ~ Dave Barry

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes. ~ Dave Barry

In the words of a very famous dead person, ‘A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test. ~ Dave Barry

We constantly see surveys that reveal this ignorance, especially among our high school students,78 percent of whom, in a recent nationwide multiple-choice test, identified Abraham Lincoln as ‘a kind of lobster.’ That’s right: more than three quarters of our nation’s youth could not correctly identify the man who invented the telephone. ~ Dave Barry

[For the first Mayo (top row, 3rd from the left) reported that he was in the same basic training unit as Darrell Maloney, Alex class of ’64 . . . ]

The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can’t just say it’s pictures of people naked. For example, you have these primitive African tribes that exist by chasing the wildebeest on foot, and they have to go around largely naked, because, as the old tribal saying goes: “N’wam k’honi soit qui mali,” which means, “If you think you can catch a wildebeest in this climate and wear clothes at the same time, then I have some beach front property in the desert region of Northern Mali that you may be interested in. ~ Dave Barry

So it’s not considered pornographic when National Geographic publishes color photographs of these people hunting the wildebeest naked, or pounding one rock onto another rock for some primitive reason naked, or whatever. But if National Geographic were to publish an article entitled “The Girls of the California Junior College System Hunt the Wildebeest Naked,” some people would call it pornography. But others would not. And still others, such as the Spectacularly Rev. Jerry Falwell, would get upset about seeing the wildebeest naked. ~ Dave Barry

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. ~ Dave Barry

[Since we’re back in basic training again, I can report that Fort Bragg (where I did basic in August 1969) is now named Fort Liberty. Bragg was a confederate general, slave holder, and loser of many battles. We did not have the yearbook photo sessions that Mayo had in Ft. Campbell . . . ]

May 20

The Saturday Morning Doughnut Run . . .

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. ~ Dave Barry

[A double caramel roll gift from Mayo on his visit yesterday almost superseded the Saturday morning doughnut run. Nevertheless, the doughnuts persisted. So, we doubled our pleasure, doubled our fun . . .

I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I’m definitely not religious, and I’m very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people’s behavior characteristic of many religious people in the United States. As far as I could tell, there’s nothing preachy about Buddhism. I was in a lot of temples, and I still don’t know what Buddhists believe, except that at one point Kunio said ‘If you do bad things, you will be reborn as an ox.’ This makes as much sense to me as anything I ever heard from, for example, the Reverend Pat Robertson. ~ Dave Barry

Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing. ~ Dave Barry

Up Next: Getting closer to being all caught up . . .