June 24
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. ~ H. L. Mencken
We would spend the rest of the week on campus, enjoying the life of college students. My university stride long since dissipated (remember crossing the Washington Avenue bridge over the Mississippi River at the U of M between classes?), all our classes were fortunately in the same building (though walking from one wing of the convention center to another could induce muscle cramps). Let us begin . . . ~ Me
Sometimes my wife expresses concern about “overloading the circuit,” a term I suspect she read in one of her magazines. In the past decade or so, the women’s magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that men know how to fix things, when in fact all they know how to do is look at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner, which they learned in Wood Shop; eventually, when enough things in the home are broken, they take a job requiring them to transfer to another home. ~ Dave Barry
CLASSES BEGIN
June 11
Uff da! ~ Me
[This is a late edition photo (it’s now July 10 to be precise). The professional photographer posted over 650 pics of Mini-U week on flickr and this is the one she took of us on registration day. Because we do not have a PhD in such things, we can’t figure out how to enroll in flickr – so I printed this photo off the computer screen and then scanned it into my computer. Thus, it’s not of professional quality, but it’s the best I could do with limited resources, i.e., brains . . . ]
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. ~ Will Rogers
[The view from our hotel room in the Biddle Hotel & Conference Center on the IU campus . . . ]
We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. ~ Abraham Lincoln
[As the screen says, this was Mini University 2023 Orientation . . . ]
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. ~ Steven Weinberg
June 12
Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt
[“The Biddies” and I shared a room with little or no embarrassments . . . ]
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. ~ Albert Einstein
[Continental breakfast in the Solarium before the Opening Convocation in Alumni Hall. We arrived before it was legal, as is the Supervisor’s wont . . . ]
Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile. ~ Mark Twain
[The aforementioned Alumni Hall – as previously noted, we were a tad early . . . ]
Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. ~ H. L. Mencken
[I walked outside only to discover that since we were early the door locked behind me . . . ]
Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~ Abraham Lincoln
[The Opening Convocation in Alumni Hall . . . ]
We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. ~ H. L. Mencken
Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. ~ H. L. Mencken
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. ~ H. L. Mencken
[Presenting the president of Indiana University, Dr. Pamela Whitten . . . ]
To begin with, sponges are not plants. They are multi-celled animals, although they have no mouths, internal organs, brains or nervous systems. They cannot move, but they can reproduce, eat, grow and obtain Florida driver’s licenses. ~ Dave Barry
[This is Ann Schertz, a professional photographer who for as long as we have been attending been contracted to cover Mini U. We have been known to simultaneously take photos of each other just for fun . . . ]
I never think of the future – it comes soon enough. ~ Albert Einstein
[My first class was with Carl Weinberg, who also educated me at last year’s Mini U . . . ]
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. ~ Hunter S. Thompson
[The conspiracy theories regarding evolution: 1) Teaching evolution is harmful (you act in animalistic ways) . . . ]
Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another. ~ Nelson Mandela
[2) Marx, Engels, Lenin, and Trotsky were all big fans of Darwin . . . ]
Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you haven’t had four beers. ~ Dave Barry
[3) Hitler was backed by many who hated Jews . . . ]
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
[Class No. 2, human-computer interaction tracking what your body is doing all the time, i.e., the datafication of health . . . ]
Like slavery and apartheid, poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the actions of human beings. ~ Nelson Mandela
[For Blacks in a mental health crisis, 911 calls can be a death sentence . . . ]
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. ~ Mark Twain
[Class No. 3 – the Kinsey Institute (at IU) is number one in sex and gender research . . . ]
On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. ~ H. L. Mencken
[Discussion of how through the years women fought for and obtained certain legal equalities with men . . . ]
Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. ~ H. L. Mencken
[Professor Sellers was a practicing lawyer, but always wanted to be a teacher. So, eight years ago she became one – and a good one . . . ]
Early in the morning of October 8, 1991, Mrs. Florence A. Snegg of Uvula, Michigan, was having an extremely vivid dream in which her son, Russell, was involved in a terrible automobile accident. Suddenly she was awakened by the ringing of her telephone. On the line was a Missouri state trooper, calling long distance to remind Mrs. Snegg that she had never had children. ~ Dave Barry
[I chimed in with an inquiry as to what happened to the physical abilities of women between 1860 and 1960 – how in 1860 women could walk across the country with wagon trains with a child on each hip and operate the family farms when the men went to fight in the Civil War, and yet by 1960 had become so fragile they could not cross midcourt in a basketball game?]
The Hawaiian language is quite unusual because when the original Polynesians came in their canoes, most of their consonants were washed overboard in a storm, and they arrived here with almost nothing but vowels. ~ Dave Barry
[Lunch music . . . ]
The U.S. space probe Meanderer J I, after a journey of six years and many millions of miles, passes within 400 miles of the surface of Neptune, sending back dramatic color photographs of a Delta Air Lines jet. ~ Dave Barry
Should explain that a “sommelier” is a wine steward, the dignified person who comes up to you at expensive restaurants, hands you the wine list, and says “Excellent choice, sir,” when you point to French writing that, translated, says “Sales Tax Included.” ~ Dave Barry
[Got her . . . ]
Of course most of us find it difficult to talk about insects without bringing up the subject of sex. ~ Dave Barry
[Lunch . . . ]
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. ~ H. L. Mencken
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. ~ Groucho Marx
[With our long time friends from Fort Wayne, who are locally famous for actually knowing what a Hoosier is . . . ]
I realize I am generalizing here, but, as is often the case when I generalize, I don’t care. ~ Dave Barry
[The Supervisor was among the elite few to attend the class on this organ . . . ]
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. ~ Pablo Picasso
[It is a small world after all – we met Winston on a Viking Ocean cruise in 2018 . . . ]
I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. ~ Ernest Hemingway
Blues is easy to play, but hard to feel. ~ Jimi Hendrix
[Photo taken on the request of a fellow student taken by the curved glass display case . . . ]
June 13
It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein
[Class No. 4 – I also had these guys last year, excellent lecturers . . . ]
Whoever would overthrow the liberty of a nation must begin by subduing the freeness of speech. ~ Benjamin Franklin
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. ~ H. L. Mencken
[Their conclusion is that we cannot reach enough energy production totally from green renewable sources without going through at least a transition period of nuclear power . . . ]
Of course your bleeding-heart-liberal-secular-humanist left-wing communists will tell you that it’s a bad thing to own a gun, but as any knowledgeable gun nut will tell you, there are countless factual anecdotes concerning alert gun-toting homeowners who have thwarted the forces of evil. ~ Dave Barry
The discovery of “superconductors”—materials that offer no resistance to electricity even at relatively high temperatures—creates a worldwide stir of excitement among the kind of dweebs who always had their Science Fair projects done early. ~ Dave Barry
The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear – fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety. ~ H. L. Mencken
Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized. ~ Albert Einstein
[Lunch in the ever popular Tudor Room with “The Biddies.” Although it was not what one would consider fine dining, it was certainly fine ambience . . . ]
The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor. ~ H. L. Mencken
If the groom-to-be’s views were actually considered, the wedding would be a far more relaxed affair, possibly involving go-carts. ~ Dave Barry
[Dine with the ones who brung ya . . . ]
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~ Thomas A. Edison
[Class No. 5 – we only eat 15-20 different foods per week . . . ]
Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list. ~ Denis Leary
When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. ~ Confucius
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. ~ H. L. Mencken
[Class No. 6 – Professor Miller was as animated as her subject matter . . . ]
Oscar C. Klaxton, an employee of the U.S. Department for Making Everybody Nervous, wins a $10,000 prize for dreaming up the concept of a deadly “hole” in an invisible “ozone layer.” ~ Dave Barry
Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. ~ H. L. Mencken
[Words for the Fat Boys Walking Club to live by . . . ]
Now, if Richard Nixon had claimed something like that you would at least have had the comfort of knowing he was lying. You could trust Nixon that way. ~ Dave Barry
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. ~ Mark Twain
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~ Milton Berle
Call me a proud American, if you want, but I truly believe that no other nation on Earth possesses the capabilities to put on a more powerful display of underwater mermaid patriotism. ~ Dave Barry
[We came here the first time, maybe 30 years ago. With Basketball Dan to a basketball tournament in Indianapolis. This burger joint is just off the IU campus in Bloomington. Dan had heard of it so we had to eat there. It was unfortunately closed when we were there this time . . . ]
It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. ~ Lewis Grizzard
[“The Biddies” putting the “I” in “IU” . . . ]
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. ~ John Lennon
What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. ~ Bob Dylan
[Class No. 7 – our 4th college class of the day, we gave our teacher (a retired IU professor) a standing ovation for his 2-hour presentation on Bob Dylan . . . ]
Folk music is a bunch of fat people. ~ Bob Dylan
You’re going to die. You’re going to be dead. It could be 20 years, it could be tomorrow, anytime. So am I. I mean, we’re just going to be gone. The world’s going to go on without us. All right now. You do your job in the face of that, and how seriously you take yourself you decide for yourself. ~ Bob Dylan
People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent. ~ Bob Dylan
All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die. ~ Bob Dylan
Inspiration is hard to come by. You have to take it where you find it. ~ Bob Dylan
I’m inconsistent, even to myself. ~ Bob Dylan
[That’s the prof’s son sitting in the far corner . . . ]
If I wasn’t Bob Dylan, I’d probably think that Bob Dylan has a lot of answers myself. ~ Bob Dylan
Some people seem to fade away but then when they are truly gone, it’s like they didn’t fade away at all. ~ Bob Dylan
[Gorgeous was famous for, and appreciated by, Dylan, Muhammad Ali, and (I think) the Rolling Stones, among others, for inspiring them early in their careers . . . ]
Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them. ~ Bob Dylan
I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom. ~ Bob Dylan
There is nothing so stable as change. ~ Bob Dylan
[At the end of his 2-hour presentation, the assembled masses sprung (well, struggled) to their feet for a standing ovation . . .
No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky. ~ Bob Dylan
[We have two nephews who live in Indiana and had Prof. Gass back when they were at IU. They both have fond memories of him . . . ]
A poem is a naked person… Some people say that I am a poet. ~ Bob Dylan
I think women rule the world and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn’t allowed him to do or encouraged him to do. ~ Bob Dylan
[Back “home” at the Biddle after the Dylan class . . . ]
This land is your land and this land is my land, sure, but the world is run by those that never listen to music anyway. ~ Bob Dylan
[I found a coed . . . ]
If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. ~ Malcolm X
Let’s not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse. ~ H. L. Mencken
Up Next: More about life at college . . .
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